Posts Tagged ‘ Women ’

Don’t Confuse The Facts

I know being creative is encouraged throughout life, but fabrication is an entirely different playing field. I find myself coming across several situations where people have imagined things they wish for, but are obviously not the case. What do I mean by this? What am I referring to? I’m glad you wondered! I’m talking about those that claim certain situations are more than what they actually were.

The “Boy”. There are many females running rapid “claiming” people that are likely not even aware. Just because the person has your number doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because you went out maybe once or twice doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because y’all have great conversations doesn’t mean y’all together. And guess what? Just because y’all fucked doesn’t mean y’all together! What goes through people’s minds to make up entire relationships from something that was simple, then wonder why he’s just not that into you. Maybe it’s because you are doing entirely too much! Being overly possessive has never been sexy. I don’t know if these people hallucinate or what, but something isn’t processing in the sanity department.

It Was Just Sex? In our generation, casual sex is pretty much the norm. In a lot of situations, instead of people leaving things as they are by just saying it is what it is, they create these bizarre connections. Don’t get it twisted, this isn’t just ladies. There are many fellas that get interested in a female and try to arm wrestle her into a relationship. The jealousy begins. The how many people you talk to questions begin to arise. Clocking, stalking, and interrogation is at an all new high coming from people that are not an item.

“…yeah we fucked, bitch so what…” -Eminem

I say this because it annoys me to see this. I also say this because I don’t like getting those random messages or dirty stares from broads I don’t know, especially over dudes I barely associate with. The point of this blog is just as the title says, don’t confuse the facts. I like you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. Just because we chilled doesn’t mean you’re the only person that gets my time. Just because I’m nice to you doesn’t mean anything beyond that unless you are advised otherwise. Don’t get caught up in your feelings and be disappointed as if anyone else is responsible for them. I hope you cuckoo birds find some sanity in your unrealistic worlds. 🙂

-Signed, Sane in the City

“you don’t want that, neither do I… I don’t wanna flip when I see you with guys” -Eminem



Maybe it’s just me, but I used to think that without question that the three toughest words to say to another person was “I love you”. Maybe it’s just my personal experience. Lately it seems as if those three words have a close runner up as far as words that are tough to say in my world. I thought about this more as I watched one of my favorite movies, “Hitch” starring Will Smith. There are several powerful statements and points made in that movie and what I am about to discuss. First check out the clip from the movie that sparked this topic below.

(Start at 2:33 to 3:00)

Why does it seem so difficult to say “I like you” and mean it or to say it and the other person believe you and that’s it. There’s always this assumption of some sort of underlying meaning, hidden agenda, or the thought that it’s pure bs. Sometimes I just genuinely enjoy someone’s company, but if I say that it is usually taken a different way than I intended it. I try to be straight-forward by saying what I mean and meaning what I say because I don’t like to be confused so I try not to confuse others. It’s weird though, because if I tell someone I like them, it’s taken to “she wants a relationship” or the other extreme, which I call the Super Bad Complex, “oh she wants to put her mouth on or around my dick” (lol but seriously), when I only mean the three words I said.

“…yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too” -Fergie

I notice that I can fall in and out of like every other week, so I don’t see it as a big deal, but it seems to be taken as one. It’s to the point that I think I shouldn’t say it anymore. Am I looking into it too deeply? Is this a realistic assessment? Is it just me? I have no idea. It’s interesting to say the least. Why can’t two people enjoy one another’s company and it be as simple as the time spent? When did it all get so complicated since the elementary days?

“…A boyfriend ain’t what I want… Now we can kick it baby, just like the way we’ve been… I just need to be free, don’t need you to rescue me…” -Vivian Green

-Signed, Check: Yes, No or Maybe

“…cuz I like it, but I don’t need it… I don’t wanna be your girl friend…” -Vivian Green

UNPRETTY: Is Weave Necessity or Accessory?

Do you feel unatTRACKtive? This topic came to mind because of a conversation I had with my older brother the other day, he said he had no idea that some (or many) wear weave because their insecure. I realize this can be a very touchy subject, especially for black women. We’ve all heard it said that black women don’t play when it comes to their hair whether it’s weave or not. I’m not one of those people that are gonna say “go natural sis, that’s the only way to show you’re confident in yourself.” I find that to be a little extreme, people can do as they please with their hair and if as you please is getting a weave then so be it. The issue that I see and have experienced when it comes to wearing weave is the intent and goal of the individual. It makes me wonder if a woman on the road to rid herself of habitual insecurities stops the changes when it comes to that. It’s interesting the power that hair has (weave or not) it can provide a confidence that was lacking or even put women in competition with each other.

“..I wish I could tie you up in my shoes, make you feel unpretty too.. I was told I was beautiful, but what does that mean to you?.. look into the mirror who’s inside there?.. the one with the long hair.. same old me again today..” -TLC “Unpretty”

My Story. For some getting a weave is almost equivalent to buying a necklace, just something you decided to do, but to others it can determine if they see daylight. A couple years back, none of my closest friends had never seen my real hair unless they were a part of the process of it getting done. I had a boyfriend for a couple years that never saw neither my hair or feet, but I doubt he ever noticed that. I had and still have certain insecurities about myself, though thankfully many have faded, the hair thing was probably the biggest step.

“..there’s no clothes that I could buy that could turn back the time.. there is no vacation spot I could fly that could bring back a piece of real life.. real life, what does it feel like? I ask you tonight, I ask you tonight.. what does it feel like, I ask you tonight.. to live a real life.. I just want to be a real boy they always say Kanye, he keeps it real boy.. Pinocchio story is, I just want to be a real boy..” -Kanye West “Pinnochio Story”

high school flick

high school flick

Back in 2006 (I think) was one of my first real attempts to rid myself of my obsession with weave because I honestly didn’t feel “pretty” without it. I did rock my hair out for a few months, but then one day due to a bad perm and coloring situation I was brought back to square one. It’s like if my hair isn’t done, I don’t feel the need to dress up, I think “what’s the point?” There were times that I didn’t go to school over my hair, whether my mom let me stay home or not, i was going out like that and they didn’t let us wear hats. Some of the decisions I’ve make and sometimes occasionally make seem drastic, but I’m only telling the truth. Learning to love yourself and being content with who you are (especially without reinforcement) is a great challenge.

senior prom flick

senior prom flick

throwback flick

throwback flick


'08 the last weave I had for a long time

“ can buy your hair if it won’t grow.. you can fix your nose if he says so.. you can buy all the make-up that MAC can make, but if you can’t look inside you.. find out who am I to be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty..” -TLC

When it comes to my hair I will and did spend my last. If it were between my cell phone bill and my hair, hair wins, no questions asked. It is a very challenging habit to break, it still is. Weave was once an addition, a must, as if it were a lifeline, now it’s an option. I’m glad to say that for the sake of proving this to myself that I think I’ve had one or two weaves within the last almost two years and have been pretty okay with it. I am now more open to getting weave (sometimes) for matters of convenience and also experimenting.

I don’t want to live in any sort of bondage. I know that everything I dislike about myself whether it be physical, emotional, personality-wise and so on will never be “perfect”, it doesn’t hurt to strive for bettering myself continually. I encourage you ladies out there to look in the mirror and ask yourself some tough questions. I encourage you men to challenge yourself to be mindful of realistic expectations you may place on a lady.



I even went ALL natural for a bit

I even went ALL natural for a bit

“..I’m not the average girl from your video and I ain’t built like a supermodel.. but, I learned to love myself unconditionally, because I am a queen..” -India.Arie

-Signed, A Recovering Weave-aholic

It Kills Me

I was driving somewhere a few weeks ago and playing my Melanie Fiona cd. I usually skip the singles that are on the radio, but “It Kills Me” caught me that day. It made me think about the women who feel this way (in reference to the lyrics) and it made my heart heavy. Though I’m not in that predicament anymore, I can still empathize with those who are unfortunately choosing to be in a state of feeling they need to stay with someone that doesn’t treat them right. The line that caught me was:

“..cuz I can’t be alone, I need you to come on home.. I know you’re messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down?..”

Foolish. I think Ashanti said it best when she sang, “..see my days are cold without you, but I’m hurting while I’m with you, and though my heart can’t take no more, I just keep running back to you..” A part of me wants to ask why do we as women do this to ourselves? The other side of me knows the answer already and doesn’t want to bother to ask. However, I realize I can only really answer this for myself as to why I chose (and sometimes still choose) to be foolish.

“..never thought I’d be afraid to trust somebody that I love so much, but if I can’t get you out of the streets, then you don’t need to be with you..” -Monica

“..deep in my heart I know you couldn’t love me, but I just kept holding on..” -Keyshia Cole

I’ve never had any real positive male influences in my life, or females for that matter. I’ve never really witnessed a good example on how things ought to be, I just always was aware that a better way of doing things existed. I’ve seen men and women teach their daughters how to be weak for a man, even in the smallest things. I have seen things unspoken, but impression-wise taught. I’ve seen “love” make people step outside of their normal selves and do some bizarre and/or twisted things. Especially when you know all you do is hurt in your relationship and try to make it seems like a paradise to everyone else. It’s a sad scene to witness and I pray I never experience it firsthand.

“..he’s so caught up.. he don’t call her.. he shows no love..” – Keyshia Cole

In my case, I have never had a faithful boyfriend for example, but I never wanted to believe it. In my mind, I would say to myself that was the one thing I can’t rock with. You can get paralyzed, forget who I am, get on drugs, whatever and I can ride with you, but bringing another person into our relationship is something I don’t think I can ever survive. Why? I’m not certain. Probably because in most cases that is what I have seen the women around me hurt from the most. There has always been and will always be a “her” that doesn’t really care what y’all have gone through, for how long, or how many kids you have, but she is just getting hers for as long as your man allows it.

“..and if you ever get her back, it’ll never be the same again.. she’s at the corner of her eyes every time she sees your face.. ..when a woman’s fed up..” -R. Kelly

False Fear? Another big issue I have noticed is the fear of being alone. Not having that warm body at night or that consistent communication or sex. It’s almost as if you feel stuck because you have invested so much, especially your time to let it go over an unfaithful relationship. Infidelity then gets watered down from how much it really impacts because of this “fear” of being alone, when in reality you can be alone in a relationship. I call those relationshits (word to Dane Cook lol, but seriously).

“’s foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women..” -Beyonce

“ man can make one woman hate all men..” -R. Kelly

I am doing my best to get out of this mentality of accepting someone not giving me their best just as I am giving mine, but when the records show otherwise, it is difficult to be hopeful. The last thing I want is to be bitter or pessimistic, but the struggle is so great when it is all I’ve experienced and all I see and have seen my entire life, but I will say that I am trying to persevere. The thing is, I know nobody wants their hearts, feelings, or time played with.

“..cuz I don’t want to be alone, I don’t need to be on my own.. but I love this man..”

“..oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me..” -Denise Williams “Silly”

-Signed, Timidly Hopeful

“..I know that I should be looking for more.. what could it be in you I see?.. what could it be?.. oh oh oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me.. ..silly of me to think that you could ever know the things I do are all done for you.. only for you.. ..foolish of me to tell them all that every night and day you call, when you could care less..”