Posts Tagged ‘ relationships ’

Don’t Confuse The Facts

I know being creative is encouraged throughout life, but fabrication is an entirely different playing field. I find myself coming across several situations where people have imagined things they wish for, but are obviously not the case. What do I mean by this? What am I referring to? I’m glad you wondered! I’m talking about those that claim certain situations are more than what they actually were.

The “Boy”. There are many females running rapid “claiming” people that are likely not even aware. Just because the person has your number doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because you went out maybe once or twice doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because y’all have great conversations doesn’t mean y’all together. And guess what? Just because y’all fucked doesn’t mean y’all together! What goes through people’s minds to make up entire relationships from something that was simple, then wonder why he’s just not that into you. Maybe it’s because you are doing entirely too much! Being overly possessive has never been sexy. I don’t know if these people hallucinate or what, but something isn’t processing in the sanity department.

It Was Just Sex? In our generation, casual sex is pretty much the norm. In a lot of situations, instead of people leaving things as they are by just saying it is what it is, they create these bizarre connections. Don’t get it twisted, this isn’t just ladies. There are many fellas that get interested in a female and try to arm wrestle her into a relationship. The jealousy begins. The how many people you talk to questions begin to arise. Clocking, stalking, and interrogation is at an all new high coming from people that are not an item.

“…yeah we fucked, bitch so what…” -Eminem

I say this because it annoys me to see this. I also say this because I don’t like getting those random messages or dirty stares from broads I don’t know, especially over dudes I barely associate with. The point of this blog is just as the title says, don’t confuse the facts. I like you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. Just because we chilled doesn’t mean you’re the only person that gets my time. Just because I’m nice to you doesn’t mean anything beyond that unless you are advised otherwise. Don’t get caught up in your feelings and be disappointed as if anyone else is responsible for them. I hope you cuckoo birds find some sanity in your unrealistic worlds. 🙂

-Signed, Sane in the City

“you don’t want that, neither do I… I don’t wanna flip when I see you with guys” -Eminem



Maybe it’s just me, but I used to think that without question that the three toughest words to say to another person was “I love you”. Maybe it’s just my personal experience. Lately it seems as if those three words have a close runner up as far as words that are tough to say in my world. I thought about this more as I watched one of my favorite movies, “Hitch” starring Will Smith. There are several powerful statements and points made in that movie and what I am about to discuss. First check out the clip from the movie that sparked this topic below.

(Start at 2:33 to 3:00)

Why does it seem so difficult to say “I like you” and mean it or to say it and the other person believe you and that’s it. There’s always this assumption of some sort of underlying meaning, hidden agenda, or the thought that it’s pure bs. Sometimes I just genuinely enjoy someone’s company, but if I say that it is usually taken a different way than I intended it. I try to be straight-forward by saying what I mean and meaning what I say because I don’t like to be confused so I try not to confuse others. It’s weird though, because if I tell someone I like them, it’s taken to “she wants a relationship” or the other extreme, which I call the Super Bad Complex, “oh she wants to put her mouth on or around my dick” (lol but seriously), when I only mean the three words I said.

“…yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too” -Fergie

I notice that I can fall in and out of like every other week, so I don’t see it as a big deal, but it seems to be taken as one. It’s to the point that I think I shouldn’t say it anymore. Am I looking into it too deeply? Is this a realistic assessment? Is it just me? I have no idea. It’s interesting to say the least. Why can’t two people enjoy one another’s company and it be as simple as the time spent? When did it all get so complicated since the elementary days?

“…A boyfriend ain’t what I want… Now we can kick it baby, just like the way we’ve been… I just need to be free, don’t need you to rescue me…” -Vivian Green

-Signed, Check: Yes, No or Maybe

“…cuz I like it, but I don’t need it… I don’t wanna be your girl friend…” -Vivian Green

So They Cheated On You…

Everybody hates being lied to, yet everybody lies. The funny thing is we tend to do most of the lying to ourselves and for some, it only seems to worsen with age. Sometimes children seem harsh with their (unknown to themselves) honesty when they point out things in life. For example, when you’re embarrassed that your child yells out that a stranger has on a bad wig and you likely immediately apologize on their behalf. It’s a “White Chicks” (the movie) moment, they said it but you were thinking it. So here you are in your next relationship and they have all cheated and what do you do? The emphasis is usually placed on the cheater, but let’s look at the other side this time. Do you act as if you don’t know? Stay? Snap? Get Revenge? Try to work it out? Get bitter? What do you do?

“What if I broke our monogamous agreement? What if I told you I lied, but didn’t mean it? What if my one mistake had the potential to break up our happy home, would you want to know?” -Lyfe Jennings

Everyone wants to get that “oh how could someone do that to you” response when talking about their ex and how they cheated. That’s all well and good, but what was your part in it? In no way do I condone cheating at all, but also in no way can I prevent it. You could be doing everything “right” and still get cheated on. The question is why? The answers vary. People look at celebs and wonder how could so-and-so cheat on her when she’s so beautiful? First off, that could have nothing to do with it, second you don’t know them, and third mind your own and tend to your own business or lack thereof.The next question is one that you should have considered when you went into this relationship and that is “am I willing to try to make this work to the best of my ability?” In no way am I giving out a “get out of being caught cheating free card” but as an adult you have to learn to go through some tough things to make something that you deem as worthy to work.

“If your heart isn’t in it, oh can’t you tell me so?” -Atlantic Starr

People belittle their worth when desperation sets in and wonder later on how they wound up hating what they had started. If you notice the same patterns in all of your relationships maybe it’s time to look in the mirror truly naked and take off your excuses. Grow up. I do not baby adults so either you choose to get your sh*t together or go home to your mama. I’m not saying this to be harsh, but you cannot expect people to hold your hand forever or always arrive first to your pity party. Take charge of your life and accept responsibility for your choices. Relationships have the ability to endure as much as the parties involved are willing to let it. I can empathize with the hurt of being cheating on, but I will never sulk over it. Live Forward.

“…I know she was attractive, but I was here first…” -Beyonce

-Signed, Choose Wisely

…What if I had a thing on the side? Made ya cry? Would the rules change up or would they still apply?… -Ciara

…but you’re just a boy and you understand… -Beyonce

Test Of Time

Love! It’s something every person desires in some respect and one of the most complex things we encounter in life, even in the midst of it still occasionally asking yourself “what is it? and if it is, am I doing it right?” In the Bible there are two different types of love, agape and phileo (in Greek), which is unconditional and brotherly love. My focus will be on agape in romantic endeavors. Be reminded, I’m no specialist and this is my own opinion and I’m entitled to it :-).

It’s Work And Play. It seems natural to yearn for the positive things in a relationship and I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, but there needs to be a balance. Being realistic isn’t far-fetched, look at your world around you… life happens and it isn’t always “dandy” to say the least. There will be wonderful times and rough times, what you need to know for/about yourself is what you’re willing to put up with.

“I been your baby, and I don’t know why you don’t seem like that no more.. welcome to the new definition of love” -Mary J. Blige

“What about the crazy fights? What about the sleepless nights? What about a brother’s ego? What about the sacred vows? How do lover’s work it out? There’s much more than the tango” -Chrisette Michele

Get Passed Your Past.We all have a past and I always say that it is never fair to hold someone elses wrongs against you against someone else. You can’t play the victim your entire life and you also can’t expect the other person to take the heat for another person. Sometimes it’s a matter of maybe you make bad choices in who you get into relationships with or a plethora (love that word lol) of reasons. Look in the mirror often, don’t point the finger, bend the elbow and point back at yourself first. It isn’t fair to have unrealistic expectations on someone else and you know you aren’t a piece of cake either. Know your limits and truly evaluate if a relationship is something you can commit to before you drag someone else into your mess. A relationship should consists of two whole people not someone looking to be completed.

“Fussin’ and fightin’, we back at it again.. I know that, its my fault, but you don’t understand.. I got memories.. this is crazy.. you ain’t nothing like the girl I used to know” -Omarion

Work It Out. In all relationships there is some level of disagreement. No two people will ever agree on every single thing so why trip when this happens? Love will make you do some silly things at times, but if it’s worth it, hopefully you will do whatever it takes. Sometimes people have never witnessed a succesful relationship and don’t know how to love you and maybe you need to step up and open up about that. Be vulnerable enough to tell them what you want, like, and need. The saying goes “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed,” so follow suit.

“I was always taught to be strong.. never let them think you care at all.. Let no one get close to me.. Before you and me” -Musiq

“Sometimes I love you more than you’ll ever know.. Other times you get on my nerves.. That’s just reality.. No, it can’t always be kisses, hugs, and beautiful words” -Ne-Yo

Is It Worth It? If you are truly all in it, sometimes you have to “take one for the team” and decide, “you know what, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong, WE are more important than this” only IF that is your mentality. There are times where you have to stop yourself and say “is who’s right really that important? am I really going to go hours or days without them (that I can’t get back) because I want to be right?” I think that’s petty. Though there are points where you might need to have some time apart for the sake of peace, that’s different and in certain cases, not over foolishness. Grow up.

“Gonna swallow my pride.. say I’m sorry.. stop pointing fingers the blame is on me” -Boys II Men

100/100. I always say I have no interest in a 50/50 relationship, but 100/100. When you are all in, it’s difficult to nitpick about what someone is not doing because you’re loving them regardless, because that’s what you chose to do. It’s nothing like the friendly competition of trying to out-love each other lol. It can be a beautiful thing if you can set aside your selfishness for a moment. Don’t wait until it’s too late to offer your best!

“She said she’s tired that I’m always on the road..Too hard to swallow.. being alone.. She needs someone at night that she can hold.. She must have told me a thousand times before.. Silent cries I use to ignore.. God knows I love her.. Didn’t mean to hurt her” -Anthony Hamilton

“Just copped your girl a brand new Rolex.. But you can never find the time to spend at home.. Thinkin’ it’s gon’ keep her happy.. When time is all she wanted all along.. Searching for what’s right in front of your face.. But you can’t see it” -Usher

“It ain’t all roses.. flowers imposing.. said it ain’t all candy.. this love stuff is demanding.. Sometimes I need a hug..” -Mary J. Blige

-Signed, that’s the thing about love

“..Someone who will put up with the things.. Loving me can bring.. But still be there to see us through.. Someone who would put up with the strange and complicated things.. Cause I would do the same for her too..” -Musiq

It Kills Me

I was driving somewhere a few weeks ago and playing my Melanie Fiona cd. I usually skip the singles that are on the radio, but “It Kills Me” caught me that day. It made me think about the women who feel this way (in reference to the lyrics) and it made my heart heavy. Though I’m not in that predicament anymore, I can still empathize with those who are unfortunately choosing to be in a state of feeling they need to stay with someone that doesn’t treat them right. The line that caught me was:

“..cuz I can’t be alone, I need you to come on home.. I know you’re messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down?..”

Foolish. I think Ashanti said it best when she sang, “..see my days are cold without you, but I’m hurting while I’m with you, and though my heart can’t take no more, I just keep running back to you..” A part of me wants to ask why do we as women do this to ourselves? The other side of me knows the answer already and doesn’t want to bother to ask. However, I realize I can only really answer this for myself as to why I chose (and sometimes still choose) to be foolish.

“..never thought I’d be afraid to trust somebody that I love so much, but if I can’t get you out of the streets, then you don’t need to be with you..” -Monica

“..deep in my heart I know you couldn’t love me, but I just kept holding on..” -Keyshia Cole

I’ve never had any real positive male influences in my life, or females for that matter. I’ve never really witnessed a good example on how things ought to be, I just always was aware that a better way of doing things existed. I’ve seen men and women teach their daughters how to be weak for a man, even in the smallest things. I have seen things unspoken, but impression-wise taught. I’ve seen “love” make people step outside of their normal selves and do some bizarre and/or twisted things. Especially when you know all you do is hurt in your relationship and try to make it seems like a paradise to everyone else. It’s a sad scene to witness and I pray I never experience it firsthand.

“..he’s so caught up.. he don’t call her.. he shows no love..” – Keyshia Cole

In my case, I have never had a faithful boyfriend for example, but I never wanted to believe it. In my mind, I would say to myself that was the one thing I can’t rock with. You can get paralyzed, forget who I am, get on drugs, whatever and I can ride with you, but bringing another person into our relationship is something I don’t think I can ever survive. Why? I’m not certain. Probably because in most cases that is what I have seen the women around me hurt from the most. There has always been and will always be a “her” that doesn’t really care what y’all have gone through, for how long, or how many kids you have, but she is just getting hers for as long as your man allows it.

“..and if you ever get her back, it’ll never be the same again.. she’s at the corner of her eyes every time she sees your face.. ..when a woman’s fed up..” -R. Kelly

False Fear? Another big issue I have noticed is the fear of being alone. Not having that warm body at night or that consistent communication or sex. It’s almost as if you feel stuck because you have invested so much, especially your time to let it go over an unfaithful relationship. Infidelity then gets watered down from how much it really impacts because of this “fear” of being alone, when in reality you can be alone in a relationship. I call those relationshits (word to Dane Cook lol, but seriously).

“’s foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women..” -Beyonce

“ man can make one woman hate all men..” -R. Kelly

I am doing my best to get out of this mentality of accepting someone not giving me their best just as I am giving mine, but when the records show otherwise, it is difficult to be hopeful. The last thing I want is to be bitter or pessimistic, but the struggle is so great when it is all I’ve experienced and all I see and have seen my entire life, but I will say that I am trying to persevere. The thing is, I know nobody wants their hearts, feelings, or time played with.

“..cuz I don’t want to be alone, I don’t need to be on my own.. but I love this man..”

“..oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me..” -Denise Williams “Silly”

-Signed, Timidly Hopeful

“..I know that I should be looking for more.. what could it be in you I see?.. what could it be?.. oh oh oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me.. ..silly of me to think that you could ever know the things I do are all done for you.. only for you.. ..foolish of me to tell them all that every night and day you call, when you could care less..”

Family Business

I want to forewarn you that there will be A LOT of pictures in this post (lol). The saying goes something to the effect of “you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.” In most cases that saying is usually stated in a negative light, because let’s be honest, family can be a real pain in your everything! I come from a really big family, just based off of siblings alone, but even beyond that I have certain relatives that I grew up with that are close too. The funny thing is that though we are all much older now and pretty much all going in different directions, when we get together, for whatever reason, that bond is still there as if it were a childhood pact to always be familiar with each other.

me & Walt

me & my sisters

bro, mom, me

me & my brother

The Beginning of “Insiders”. One thing I love about my childhood is that we never knew we were broke! We didn’t understand cheap, we made the best of everything because that’s just what we did as kids. We were tight and to this day we still are, despite many fights, flat out rumbles and free-for-alls (I think that’s the term). We’ve learned to love each other so much that in all honesty, my family can tend to be the ones I “hate” most because they have that much of my heart. I’ve realized that it takes some amount of caring to truly “hate” someone or for them to at least be able to get to you. I read somewhere online once that “love isn’t the opposite of hate, apathy is,” and I would say I agree. Joy and Pain. We’ve been through it, under it, around it, whatever, but it was together in some way, shape or form. Even if it got to points where you didn’t want to be bothered with family at all you can always come back because at the end of the day that is all I have in this world. My family is the only thing (aside from God) that has stood the test of time with me, not boy friends, home girls, church family, childhood friends and all, just them. Though we may not all like our families, I encourage you to “love your family for where they are not where you think they should be.”

I may be repeating myself, but these people and the many others whose pictures are missing mean a lot to me. My hope is that the next generation grew up even half as close as we did!

-Signed, I Wouldn’t Trade You For The World

R.I.P. Haady.. we are coming up on the anniversary since you've been gone and it's still like yesterday. I love you lil cuz

I meant every word "..if we could break down those walls to set you free.. we would cuz we down here and we miss you.." -Lupe Fiasco

“..if you said u ain’t did it, then you ain’t didn’t and if you did, well that;s family business..”

Throwing Shade

There is a battle going on within one people. There are actually several battles between this one people. Who are these people? Black people. Which battle am I referring to this time? Complexion. Why? Ask yourself, because I am not too certain myself. This is an unfortunate reality.

The Battle of Complexions. Light skin. Brown skin. Dark skin. What’s “better“? Who “wins“? We discriminate harshly against ourselves because of color, yet demand equality in the world. How oxymoronic. How can we step forward if we are standing still? There are people who despise people who involve themselves with other black people of a certain complexion. For example, if your mother is dark skin and you, the son, is dark skin, your mother may be offended if you bring a “red bone” girl home. And it works all other types of ways causing unnecessary drama among our people.

Should It Really Matter? I don’t think skin tone should matter. Yes, I have preferences as far as who I am attracted to, but guess what, I didn’t start my criteria there, in fact skin tone isn’t in my criteria. The heart wants what it wants. Technically I have never had my alleged “type”, not even complexion wise. Why? Because it never really happened that way and I’m not pressed about it. There is so much more to value in people than that. I challenge you to ask yourself a few questions:

  1. When you were a child, did skin tone matter in who you played with?
  2. Does skin tone matter now?
  3. Are you impartial to a certain skin tone?

I didn’t ask those questions looking for a right or wrong answer, but to provoke thought. That is why I write. Not to sway anyone, but that you think something, even if it’s that my blog sucks (lol). At least you took the time to read it to find that out. I find that when you unfairly discriminate, you miss out on people. Whether it is because of complexion, social status, style, personality, whatever it is. You could be passing up a good friend or maybe more because you decided not to give somebody a chance.

This picture is just a snippet of people in my world. Some have been around forever, some are very new. There are some that may be around for a season, others a lifetime. How did they get there? Several different ways. It had nothing to do with the skin tone they were born with either and it didn’t matter then and it doesn’t matter now. I can confidently say that for me, it will never matter.

I have a big family, about 13 siblings, and four of my sisters are light skin. I never saw it as a big deal growing up. We all got treated the same, except for Jas, she got special treatment (smh) for other reasons lol. It wasn’t until I got older and began to see the world that I saw that the world “separated” us in a sense. I didn’t let it affect my relationships with my family though, but I was definitely made aware. I’m not color blind. I realize we look different, and then what? I don’t think we should stay at the obvious point. I use the term “throwing shade” a lot, and unfortunately it seems like as a unit we are using shade to throw shade at each other. What do you think?

-Signed, I’m just me