Posts Tagged ‘ Men ’

Don’t Confuse The Facts

I know being creative is encouraged throughout life, but fabrication is an entirely different playing field. I find myself coming across several situations where people have imagined things they wish for, but are obviously not the case. What do I mean by this? What am I referring to? I’m glad you wondered! I’m talking about those that claim certain situations are more than what they actually were.

The “Boy”. There are many females running rapid “claiming” people that are likely not even aware. Just because the person has your number doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because you went out maybe once or twice doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because y’all have great conversations doesn’t mean y’all together. And guess what? Just because y’all fucked doesn’t mean y’all together! What goes through people’s minds to make up entire relationships from something that was simple, then wonder why he’s just not that into you. Maybe it’s because you are doing entirely too much! Being overly possessive has never been sexy. I don’t know if these people hallucinate or what, but something isn’t processing in the sanity department.

It Was Just Sex? In our generation, casual sex is pretty much the norm. In a lot of situations, instead of people leaving things as they are by just saying it is what it is, they create these bizarre connections. Don’t get it twisted, this isn’t just ladies. There are many fellas that get interested in a female and try to arm wrestle her into a relationship. The jealousy begins. The how many people you talk to questions begin to arise. Clocking, stalking, and interrogation is at an all new high coming from people that are not an item.

“…yeah we fucked, bitch so what…” -Eminem

I say this because it annoys me to see this. I also say this because I don’t like getting those random messages or dirty stares from broads I don’t know, especially over dudes I barely associate with. The point of this blog is just as the title says, don’t confuse the facts. I like you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. Just because we chilled doesn’t mean you’re the only person that gets my time. Just because I’m nice to you doesn’t mean anything beyond that unless you are advised otherwise. Don’t get caught up in your feelings and be disappointed as if anyone else is responsible for them. I hope you cuckoo birds find some sanity in your unrealistic worlds. 🙂

-Signed, Sane in the City

“you don’t want that, neither do I… I don’t wanna flip when I see you with guys” -Eminem

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I LIKE You!

Maybe it’s just me, but I used to think that without question that the three toughest words to say to another person was “I love you”. Maybe it’s just my personal experience. Lately it seems as if those three words have a close runner up as far as words that are tough to say in my world. I thought about this more as I watched one of my favorite movies, “Hitch” starring Will Smith. There are several powerful statements and points made in that movie and what I am about to discuss. First check out the clip from the movie that sparked this topic below.

(Start at 2:33 to 3:00)

Why does it seem so difficult to say “I like you” and mean it or to say it and the other person believe you and that’s it. There’s always this assumption of some sort of underlying meaning, hidden agenda, or the thought that it’s pure bs. Sometimes I just genuinely enjoy someone’s company, but if I say that it is usually taken a different way than I intended it. I try to be straight-forward by saying what I mean and meaning what I say because I don’t like to be confused so I try not to confuse others. It’s weird though, because if I tell someone I like them, it’s taken to “she wants a relationship” or the other extreme, which I call the Super Bad Complex, “oh she wants to put her mouth on or around my dick” (lol but seriously), when I only mean the three words I said.

“…yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too” -Fergie

I notice that I can fall in and out of like every other week, so I don’t see it as a big deal, but it seems to be taken as one. It’s to the point that I think I shouldn’t say it anymore. Am I looking into it too deeply? Is this a realistic assessment? Is it just me? I have no idea. It’s interesting to say the least. Why can’t two people enjoy one another’s company and it be as simple as the time spent? When did it all get so complicated since the elementary days?

“…A boyfriend ain’t what I want… Now we can kick it baby, just like the way we’ve been… I just need to be free, don’t need you to rescue me…” -Vivian Green

-Signed, Check: Yes, No or Maybe

“…cuz I like it, but I don’t need it… I don’t wanna be your girl friend…” -Vivian Green

It Kills Me

I was driving somewhere a few weeks ago and playing my Melanie Fiona cd. I usually skip the singles that are on the radio, but “It Kills Me” caught me that day. It made me think about the women who feel this way (in reference to the lyrics) and it made my heart heavy. Though I’m not in that predicament anymore, I can still empathize with those who are unfortunately choosing to be in a state of feeling they need to stay with someone that doesn’t treat them right. The line that caught me was:

“..cuz I can’t be alone, I need you to come on home.. I know you’re messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down?..”

Foolish. I think Ashanti said it best when she sang, “..see my days are cold without you, but I’m hurting while I’m with you, and though my heart can’t take no more, I just keep running back to you..” A part of me wants to ask why do we as women do this to ourselves? The other side of me knows the answer already and doesn’t want to bother to ask. However, I realize I can only really answer this for myself as to why I chose (and sometimes still choose) to be foolish.

“..never thought I’d be afraid to trust somebody that I love so much, but if I can’t get you out of the streets, then you don’t need to be with you..” -Monica

“..deep in my heart I know you couldn’t love me, but I just kept holding on..” -Keyshia Cole

I’ve never had any real positive male influences in my life, or females for that matter. I’ve never really witnessed a good example on how things ought to be, I just always was aware that a better way of doing things existed. I’ve seen men and women teach their daughters how to be weak for a man, even in the smallest things. I have seen things unspoken, but impression-wise taught. I’ve seen “love” make people step outside of their normal selves and do some bizarre and/or twisted things. Especially when you know all you do is hurt in your relationship and try to make it seems like a paradise to everyone else. It’s a sad scene to witness and I pray I never experience it firsthand.

“..he’s so caught up.. he don’t call her.. he shows no love..” – Keyshia Cole

In my case, I have never had a faithful boyfriend for example, but I never wanted to believe it. In my mind, I would say to myself that was the one thing I can’t rock with. You can get paralyzed, forget who I am, get on drugs, whatever and I can ride with you, but bringing another person into our relationship is something I don’t think I can ever survive. Why? I’m not certain. Probably because in most cases that is what I have seen the women around me hurt from the most. There has always been and will always be a “her” that doesn’t really care what y’all have gone through, for how long, or how many kids you have, but she is just getting hers for as long as your man allows it.

“..and if you ever get her back, it’ll never be the same again.. she’s at the corner of her eyes every time she sees your face.. ..when a woman’s fed up..” -R. Kelly

False Fear? Another big issue I have noticed is the fear of being alone. Not having that warm body at night or that consistent communication or sex. It’s almost as if you feel stuck because you have invested so much, especially your time to let it go over an unfaithful relationship. Infidelity then gets watered down from how much it really impacts because of this “fear” of being alone, when in reality you can be alone in a relationship. I call those relationshits (word to Dane Cook lol, but seriously).

“..it’s foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women..” -Beyonce

“..one man can make one woman hate all men..” -R. Kelly

I am doing my best to get out of this mentality of accepting someone not giving me their best just as I am giving mine, but when the records show otherwise, it is difficult to be hopeful. The last thing I want is to be bitter or pessimistic, but the struggle is so great when it is all I’ve experienced and all I see and have seen my entire life, but I will say that I am trying to persevere. The thing is, I know nobody wants their hearts, feelings, or time played with.

“..cuz I don’t want to be alone, I don’t need to be on my own.. but I love this man..”

“..oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me..” -Denise Williams “Silly”

-Signed, Timidly Hopeful

“..I know that I should be looking for more.. what could it be in you I see?.. what could it be?.. oh oh oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me.. ..silly of me to think that you could ever know the things I do are all done for you.. only for you.. ..foolish of me to tell them all that every night and day you call, when you could care less..”

Let’s Be Real

I’m sickly at the moment and in addition to this I realize I am rather emotional/moody. A lot of raw emotions are here and I figured I would vent about things I know that many feel, but may not necessarily say. What sparked this fire? Well, when I talk to somebody I tend to save messages, but never really look at them again, usually I realize I still have them when that person is no longer in my life.. aka bad time to look over old messages.

The ones I saw tonight made my heart heavy, because as always, it started out great (the relationship that is). Yeah, I know I’m not interested in love, but I thought in this case a friendship was a possibility, but everything changed and as usual, I backed off, because that’s what I do. I don’t “sweat” people. I don’t pressure people to hit me up or to be in my life. I don’t want anyone around that doesn’t want to be around. It’s a tough rule to uphold sometimes, especially if I don’t agree with the person’s decision to leave, but what can ya do? Lol, stalker isn’t my twist at all and won’t be! So I let go who wants to be let go, keeping in mind I had a life before, during and after them… male or female.. I’m talking about general relationships here, nothing “deep.” I won’t front, I did like that one, but I guess “it is what it is” and I will just leave it that way.

I refuse to put myself on the frontline for something I didn’t want to “go” anywhere anyhow. I just value real friendships and thought that one might’ve lasted a lot longer than it did, but such as life (I guess). That bridge is apparently burned (I guess). I just can’t bring myself to erase the messages.. well at least not yet. Ladies, I know y’all understand how I feel. When you first meet somebody and there is a vibe (finally!) and then after a while they fade (like the rest of them), but you didn’t want that one to fade, but you can’t make them stay. It sucks, that is all I’m really trying to say. Maybe these ((cramps)) are talkin, but that is just how I feel right now. Tomorrow may be different or maybe it won’t.

“..maybe it’s me, maybe I bore you.. a no-no, it’s my fault, cuz I can’t afford you..” -John Legend

“..I just wonder, do you ever think of me anymore.. do you?..” -Ne-Yo

“..I know we haven’t spoken for a while, but I thought about ya and it kinda made me smile.. ..I’ve tried & I’ve tried to get you out my mind, but it don’t get no better as each day goes by.. ..do you know I kept all of your pictures? haven’t had the heart to part with them yet.. tried to erase the way your kisses taste, but some things a girl can never forget..” -Rihanna

Signed, I Used to Love H.I.M

“..I was just waiting for your phone call, when they came along to say that a rose done chased you clear away.. broke my choux pastry heart.. ..don’t wanna lose ya, don’t even own ya.. I just wanna stay right here until never dawns, yeah..” -Corinne Bailey Rae

“..it used to feel like heaven, it used to feel like May.. ..nobody wants to face the truth, but you won’t believe what love can do til it happens to u..” -Corinne Bailey Rae

Matters of the Heart: Can You Handle This?

I wanted to blog about anything but this topic… love/relationships. It’s the very thing that finds its way in and out of my thoughts throughout the day that I simply don’t want to bother with.. Why? I’m glad you asked (for once), because I get that question more than I’d prefer. And by that, I mean the “where’s your boyfriend at?/why don’t you have a man?” question. For starters, I would like to acknowledge the fact that..

“I don’t need a man to complete me, but to compliment me (and by that I don’t mean terms of endearment)”

So let’s address this question: Why am I voluntarily single? Why have I temporarily quit on this thing called love? I will give my top 3 reasons:

  1. I’m only 22! I cannot lie. I used to want to be married young and get out of this “dating game” and just have my one to give my all to. This is still something I want, but then I think about the vision I have for my future and a relationship would complicate that right now. I’m not a part-time “lover” lol… but seriously, with the goal of marriage being the purpose of any romance, I believe marriage is the highest relationship you can have with any human being on this earth, which means, my little pleasures would have to take a back seat. I don’t mind that, but I realize I don’t want to give that up right now. I still need to get a better grip onto who I am and what I like/want… I want to be a whole person for the man I marry and I expect the same.
  2. I’m still in recovery. Just like anybody else, I’ve had some heartaches and major disappointments, so I’m not exactly trying to be shopping for my next ex-boyfriend. I’ve been through a lot in life in general at very early stages that have had greater long-term impact than I’d thought. I am evaluating some choices I’ve made in the past (and present) to hopefully make my future a little smoother. I realize I give… a lot and possibly on the dating level, maybe I have given too much. The funny thing is, even in all that past giving, that isn’t even the half of it… Mr. E man, you have no idea what you are in for lol! Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone to hop from relationship to relationship, feelings and attachments don’t just suddenly drop for me so I don’t move on until I have really moved on. Fortunately, I can say I have moved on from all my past relationships and can honestly wish them well.
  3. I honestly don’t think I have encountered anyone that can handle me. I know the first thought would be to think that was a sexual reference… not necessarily. I realize I have a lot to offer and also much going for me. I would not dare waste that on someone who shouldn’t be apart of that. On the more “negative” side of that statement, I also realize that I am a handful, not in a crazy way, but I just am lol. I need somebody that doesn’t do what most have been good at doing, which is leaving. I know when it’s for real, I willingly walk through the fire.

So what am I doing in the meantime? Living it up (lol). Trying not to be anxious in looking for “him” and trying not to be possessive over the “hims” that don’t belong to me. I’m learning how to really be a friend, especially since I want to marry my best friend, so I figure if someone is intimidated by being in the “friend zone”, that is more than I need to know (red flag!). I’m adjusting to being comfortable in my own skin and embracing my flaws in the midst of trying to figure out this thing we call life. So I would just encourage you all out there that may be in the same boat to not make emotional decisions to satisfy fickle feelings and temporal loneliness that may go beyond a male/female companion, because there are many lonely people in relationships/marriages. Don’t be a zombie and try to act as if you aren’t a human being though, it’s natural to feel and want these things. Don’t settle for “right now” but expect forever. Know your worth. Keep your faith/values. Be encouraged!

-Signed, Crazy/Beautiful

“…she lives in a mindset that you could never move to…” -Drake

“One for sorrow, two for joy.. sometimes you win or sometimes you lose. I don’t wanna lose you, don’t even own you. I just wanna stay right here until never dawns yeah” -Corinne Bailey Rae

Don’t awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon)


Where I Wanna Be

As I was thinking of this title, this song came to my mind… On the contrary, the answer to my own question of where do I wanna be was… the beach lol. I need to go to a few this summer. Just relax.

But since the song is here… why not mention love. It’s pretty relevant to where I am on the relationship tip these days. The reality is… I don’t wantneed one… not right now. I wanna do too much and don’t need the worry (of any kind) of SOS (someone special). I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes and I’ve also learned a lot about the effort and work that goes into this thing called love. I give a lot. I am certainly in no condition or position to give like that right now, especially because it seems as though every time I work even harder, therefore the fall is even greater. I don’t want that. I consider my past experiences like mini divorces if they lasted a nice length…

like:

  •  who gets the “friends” instead of kids…
  • should I still talk to your family and vice versa…
  • how long should I wait before I bring someone else to places we’ve been
  • should I call or text on ya b-day (or should I still have your number?)
  • anniversary
  • what will I feel like if I run into you after a long time
  • how do I know the next one will be different (if I want a next rela)… and many other factors

I have really learned to count the cost in this thing and it is not a price I am willing to pay right now. I just wanna have fun and friends. Experience the world and travel. Learn new things and figure out who I am and wanna be… I think D.C. (Destiny’s Child not Dane Cooklol) said it best… ain’t no feeling like be free (when your mind’s made up and your heart is in the right place)…

-Signed, …I’m sorry if ya dig me (especially if I dig you too… lol-not funny)

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