Posts Tagged ‘ childhood ’

Mama’s Boyfriend

“You know it makes me unhappy, when brothas make babies and leave a young mother to be a pappy” -Tupac

Single mothers have become the norm for many of us. The reason and responsibility of this reality is not solely on one person. There are many children that grow up with people coming in and out of their lives as if there is a revolving door. If we fast forward to young adulthood from this sort of upbringing and (possible) instability we see the scars that will have broken or made these once innocent kids. Let me make the following clear before I go on: Not all experiences with step parents are negative. Not everyone that has had a bad experience with step parents continue the unfortunate cycle. What I am about to address is not limited to step fathers.

Mommy, Where Daddy Went? Some people have never met their fathers, others can count on their hands how many run-ins they’ve had with pop, and still others could say he was “around” as in knowing who he was. There are many mothers that have those heartbreaking conversations with their children trying to explain the absence of their father, attempting to make excuses for his excuses, doing their best to fill his shoes, but no matter what mom says, nothing takes away the question of “why didn’t he want me? why doesn’t he love me?” Some moms look at this as more reason to hurry in a male figure to try to fill a void that is already permanent unbeknown to mom.

“Look what was handed us. Fathers abandoned us… …Sometimes I feel no one in this world understands us” -Kanye West

Who’s That? In some situations, some of you can remember as a child that some guy kinda popped up and suddenly lived in your house and you can’t sleep in mom’s room anymore. Or for others, maybe this occurred on multiple occasions and you received no warning, explanation or support concerning mom’s decision. Maybe you were too young to understand so you didn’t understand the change in the current. Maybe it made you angry. Maybe you wanted things back to what they once were, because your world just got rocked and you’re wondering in your young mind “who’s that?”

Trust Factor. In some cases, some people get tired of their singleness and meet someone rather sporadically and they become daddy (or mommy). Suddenly a child is left alone with a stranger regularly. Another concern that comes along with these situations is that there are a lot of perverts in this world. There are many women and also men that can remember being violated in their childhood by someone that they were introduced to by someone they trusted.

Under the Influence. Children are like sponges, they absorb their surroundings. If children see fighting, violence, instability, addiction, and so on, that impacts them for life. The mentalities gained here could be used for betterment or a continuance of an unhealthy cycle. There is good reason for there to be two parents in a child’s life, because regardless of how much love a mother has in her heart, she could never teach her son to be a man, and to have another man that is just simply “around” doesn’t help much either. In some cases, boys grow up either hating or disrespecting women because of what they saw or were/weren’t taught. There are young girls giving their bodies and hearts to anyone that would take them because “daddy” wasn’t there to assure them of their worth in the way that only a father could.

“I remember being kicked out the house cuz I looked just like you… Said I’d be nothing but a crook just like you” -Beanie Sigel

It is understandable for a parent to desire companionship. It’s natural. It’s human. But there are others to take into consideration other than self when children are involved. Your children didn’t ask to be here and it’s not their fault nor their responsibility in regards to the circumstances you may be under. It is not their job to raise themselves either. Some parents do not consider the impact (or the dangers) of bringing a new significant (or insignificant) other into their child’s life for the sake of loneliness. Every relationship has risks, but I implore all (single) parents to really take into account who they bring into their children’s worlds.

-Signed, Cycle Ends Here

“You ain’t interested in me, you just trynna f*ck my mom” -Kanye West



“But you left me, now I’m goin to court just like you. I would say “my daddy loves me and he’ll never go away”. Bullsh*t, do you even remember December’s my birthday? Do you even remember the tender boy you turned into a cold young man?” -Jay-Z

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Family Business

I want to forewarn you that there will be A LOT of pictures in this post (lol). The saying goes something to the effect of “you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.” In most cases that saying is usually stated in a negative light, because let’s be honest, family can be a real pain in your everything! I come from a really big family, just based off of siblings alone, but even beyond that I have certain relatives that I grew up with that are close too. The funny thing is that though we are all much older now and pretty much all going in different directions, when we get together, for whatever reason, that bond is still there as if it were a childhood pact to always be familiar with each other.

me & Walt

me & my sisters

bro, mom, me

me & my brother

The Beginning of “Insiders”. One thing I love about my childhood is that we never knew we were broke! We didn’t understand cheap, we made the best of everything because that’s just what we did as kids. We were tight and to this day we still are, despite many fights, flat out rumbles and free-for-alls (I think that’s the term). We’ve learned to love each other so much that in all honesty, my family can tend to be the ones I “hate” most because they have that much of my heart. I’ve realized that it takes some amount of caring to truly “hate” someone or for them to at least be able to get to you. I read somewhere online once that “love isn’t the opposite of hate, apathy is,” and I would say I agree. Joy and Pain. We’ve been through it, under it, around it, whatever, but it was together in some way, shape or form. Even if it got to points where you didn’t want to be bothered with family at all you can always come back because at the end of the day that is all I have in this world. My family is the only thing (aside from God) that has stood the test of time with me, not boy friends, home girls, church family, childhood friends and all, just them. Though we may not all like our families, I encourage you to “love your family for where they are not where you think they should be.”




I may be repeating myself, but these people and the many others whose pictures are missing mean a lot to me. My hope is that the next generation grew up even half as close as we did!

-Signed, I Wouldn’t Trade You For The World

R.I.P. Haady.. we are coming up on the anniversary since you've been gone and it's still like yesterday. I love you lil cuz

I meant every word "..if we could break down those walls to set you free.. we would cuz we down here and we miss you.." -Lupe Fiasco

“..if you said u ain’t did it, then you ain’t didn’t and if you did, well that;s family business..”

Thinking About the 90s

Maybe it’s the 80s baby in me, but… I miss the 90s! I was listening to an old 98 degrees song (don’t judge me) and it took me back. It doesn’t take much to take me back though. Those were the days where I would tape the MTV countdowns of the same videos 5 times over, even if I caught it from the middle. When Hits from the Street was funny and I used to actually learn interesting things from VH1’s Pop Up Video. This is when BET was a lot less coonish, but still coonish all the more (don’t deny it). I was in love with N’Sync, Spice Girls, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys (Nick), Christina Aguilera, Mandy Moore, DMX, DragOn, Eve, Jadakiss, Biggie, Pac, Jay-Z, All Saints, Foxy Brown, Eminem, Suspense None the Richer, Limp Bizkit, Paula Cole, Natalie Imbruglia, Busta Rhymes, Ma$e, Cam’ron, Beanie Sigel, Mya, Brandy, Dru Hill (Nokio), Monica, Green Day, Toni Braxton, 702, Aaliyah, Bone Thugs & Harmony, and a hosts of others simultaneously! My music collection is even more eclectic today lol.

These were days when tv actually interested me. I miss Doug, Rugrats, Eureka’s Castle, Recess, Under the Umbrella Tree, Snorks, Barney, Lamb Chop, Jetsons, Flintstones, all my Disney movies and so on. I used to rush home to watch Sweet Valley High, Sister Sister, Moesha, Full House, Step By Step, Smart Guy, Martin, Hangin’ Wit Mr. Cooper, and I can’t think of what else. This was when The Real World was more real. When Lil Kim looked human. This is when I would argue down (and win) with any elementary school kid that the WWF was real! My brother used to break it down for me as to who was who by dividing the good guys from the bad guys (i.e. Shawn Micahels = Good Guy, The Undertaker = Bad Guy) and I loved them both, but Bret Hart was my fave!

I remember playing hide and seek in the projects and hiding all over, in people yards, near the highway, behind dumpsters, wherever! All those relay races and other aggressive games were worth some of the scars I still have to this day (tom boy days). Everything just seemed to be fun. Maybe because I was a young bol, more than likely so, but it is good to reminisce. Since I was maybe 5 years old, we have stayed in every hotel and motel on or near the boardwalk of Atlantic City to the point that I pass up free rooms today because I am AC’d out lol! We used to make up tv shows, dances, songs, did drill team, play: red light/green light, mother may I, catch a girl freak a girl, curb ball, double dutch, MASH, make fortune tellers (and believe them), tell creepy stories, played on people’s phones, fly down the stairs on mattresses and blankets, make tents out of our bunk beds, blackmail each other, play Mario, Sonic, NBA Jams, called the psychic hotline and many other foolish things. I remember in middle school following the almost weekly trends that faded as fast as our boyfriend/girlfriend relationships like: giga pets, pokemon cards, pacifiers, spinning tops, jacks, yo yos (all these things became hustles, a business, and also for trade lol). I met people that I still know to this day and it actually makes me feel kinda old to be able to say I’ve known people for over 15 years lol. These were all the things that were the bright side of my world. I just had to get that out of my system!