Posts Tagged ‘ cheating ’

So They Cheated On You…

Everybody hates being lied to, yet everybody lies. The funny thing is we tend to do most of the lying to ourselves and for some, it only seems to worsen with age. Sometimes children seem harsh with their (unknown to themselves) honesty when they point out things in life. For example, when you’re embarrassed that your child yells out that a stranger has on a bad wig and you likely immediately apologize on their behalf. It’s a “White Chicks” (the movie) moment, they said it but you were thinking it. So here you are in your next relationship and they have all cheated and what do you do? The emphasis is usually placed on the cheater, but let’s look at the other side this time. Do you act as if you don’t know? Stay? Snap? Get Revenge? Try to work it out? Get bitter? What do you do?

“What if I broke our monogamous agreement? What if I told you I lied, but didn’t mean it? What if my one mistake had the potential to break up our happy home, would you want to know?” -Lyfe Jennings

Everyone wants to get that “oh how could someone do that to you” response when talking about their ex and how they cheated. That’s all well and good, but what was your part in it? In no way do I condone cheating at all, but also in no way can I prevent it. You could be doing everything “right” and still get cheated on. The question is why? The answers vary. People look at celebs and wonder how could so-and-so cheat on her when she’s so beautiful? First off, that could have nothing to do with it, second you don’t know them, and third mind your own and tend to your own business or lack thereof.The next question is one that you should have considered when you went into this relationship and that is “am I willing to try to make this work to the best of my ability?” In no way am I giving out a “get out of being caught cheating free card” but as an adult you have to learn to go through some tough things to make something that you deem as worthy to work.

“If your heart isn’t in it, oh can’t you tell me so?” -Atlantic Starr

People belittle their worth when desperation sets in and wonder later on how they wound up hating what they had started. If you notice the same patterns in all of your relationships maybe it’s time to look in the mirror truly naked and take off your excuses. Grow up. I do not baby adults so either you choose to get your sh*t together or go home to your mama. I’m not saying this to be harsh, but you cannot expect people to hold your hand forever or always arrive first to your pity party. Take charge of your life and accept responsibility for your choices. Relationships have the ability to endure as much as the parties involved are willing to let it. I can empathize with the hurt of being cheating on, but I will never sulk over it. Live Forward.

“…I know she was attractive, but I was here first…” -Beyonce

-Signed, Choose Wisely

…What if I had a thing on the side? Made ya cry? Would the rules change up or would they still apply?… -Ciara

…but you’re just a boy and you understand… -Beyonce

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It Kills Me

I was driving somewhere a few weeks ago and playing my Melanie Fiona cd. I usually skip the singles that are on the radio, but “It Kills Me” caught me that day. It made me think about the women who feel this way (in reference to the lyrics) and it made my heart heavy. Though I’m not in that predicament anymore, I can still empathize with those who are unfortunately choosing to be in a state of feeling they need to stay with someone that doesn’t treat them right. The line that caught me was:

“..cuz I can’t be alone, I need you to come on home.. I know you’re messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down?..”

Foolish. I think Ashanti said it best when she sang, “..see my days are cold without you, but I’m hurting while I’m with you, and though my heart can’t take no more, I just keep running back to you..” A part of me wants to ask why do we as women do this to ourselves? The other side of me knows the answer already and doesn’t want to bother to ask. However, I realize I can only really answer this for myself as to why I chose (and sometimes still choose) to be foolish.

“..never thought I’d be afraid to trust somebody that I love so much, but if I can’t get you out of the streets, then you don’t need to be with you..” -Monica

“..deep in my heart I know you couldn’t love me, but I just kept holding on..” -Keyshia Cole

I’ve never had any real positive male influences in my life, or females for that matter. I’ve never really witnessed a good example on how things ought to be, I just always was aware that a better way of doing things existed. I’ve seen men and women teach their daughters how to be weak for a man, even in the smallest things. I have seen things unspoken, but impression-wise taught. I’ve seen “love” make people step outside of their normal selves and do some bizarre and/or twisted things. Especially when you know all you do is hurt in your relationship and try to make it seems like a paradise to everyone else. It’s a sad scene to witness and I pray I never experience it firsthand.

“..he’s so caught up.. he don’t call her.. he shows no love..” – Keyshia Cole

In my case, I have never had a faithful boyfriend for example, but I never wanted to believe it. In my mind, I would say to myself that was the one thing I can’t rock with. You can get paralyzed, forget who I am, get on drugs, whatever and I can ride with you, but bringing another person into our relationship is something I don’t think I can ever survive. Why? I’m not certain. Probably because in most cases that is what I have seen the women around me hurt from the most. There has always been and will always be a “her” that doesn’t really care what y’all have gone through, for how long, or how many kids you have, but she is just getting hers for as long as your man allows it.

“..and if you ever get her back, it’ll never be the same again.. she’s at the corner of her eyes every time she sees your face.. ..when a woman’s fed up..” -R. Kelly

False Fear? Another big issue I have noticed is the fear of being alone. Not having that warm body at night or that consistent communication or sex. It’s almost as if you feel stuck because you have invested so much, especially your time to let it go over an unfaithful relationship. Infidelity then gets watered down from how much it really impacts because of this “fear” of being alone, when in reality you can be alone in a relationship. I call those relationshits (word to Dane Cook lol, but seriously).

“..it’s foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women..” -Beyonce

“..one man can make one woman hate all men..” -R. Kelly

I am doing my best to get out of this mentality of accepting someone not giving me their best just as I am giving mine, but when the records show otherwise, it is difficult to be hopeful. The last thing I want is to be bitter or pessimistic, but the struggle is so great when it is all I’ve experienced and all I see and have seen my entire life, but I will say that I am trying to persevere. The thing is, I know nobody wants their hearts, feelings, or time played with.

“..cuz I don’t want to be alone, I don’t need to be on my own.. but I love this man..”

“..oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me..” -Denise Williams “Silly”

-Signed, Timidly Hopeful

“..I know that I should be looking for more.. what could it be in you I see?.. what could it be?.. oh oh oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me.. ..silly of me to think that you could ever know the things I do are all done for you.. only for you.. ..foolish of me to tell them all that every night and day you call, when you could care less..”