Archive for the ‘ Women ’ Category

AllegedLIES: I Don’t Care

I would first like to clarify the series title…

Allegedly + pluralizing allegedly + the word lies = AllegedLIES.

Maybe it’s the counselor in me that wants to break down barriers. Maybe it’s the child in me that is curious about the truth and the world. Maybe it’s the writer in me that wants to make sure all bases are covered in a simple manner. I don’t know. I observe a lot and I would feel selfish to keep my findings to myself……. (in other words, I have a big mouth! Shhh, don’t tell nobody). I won’t say I don’t ever lie, but I will say that the things I do lie about are really juvenile or feelings sparers (that’s a word now). I wanted to address some things that seem a certain way, but are not so. The stranger part of it is that everybody knows, even the participants, but still play a role in the AllegedLIES.

The first of these is the facade of nothing mattering. In my opinion, I think we make these harsh statements at times as defense mechanisms for pain. You don’t want to seem weak and you don’t want people to think they hurt you (or got to you) in any way. My personal reasons would be to say that most people don’t deserve to know they hurt you. Maybe it’s foolish or maybe it isn’t. We get engrossed in image and lose ourselves. Never let them see you sweat (I guess). I’m not saying to wear your life on your sleeve, but having a healthy balance isn’t a crime.

I wonder at times if it is all really worth it. Is it worth spending your one life trying to make it look like you have it together? Is it worth struggling to make it look like you have it all? Is it worth not eating so that you can show off a body that isn’t in your genetics? Is it worth building all of this great wealth and have no one to leave it to or at least someone deserving because you cannot take it with you? Is it worth realizing you regret your life? These are not new questions. They have been asked under the sun for ages. It is interesting to read or see another human being pour out their heart and soul and despite what you think of their actions, most people envy their courage.

To cover up all of our insecurities, uncertainties, and wonderings isn’t to our own benefit. We turn off a part of being human. We hide things and hold secrets that eat at us. We technically do not keep it real if everything is always “presentable”. My hope is that everyone at least have a couple of people in their lives that they can have real conversations with and sort through the messes of life. Life is too short to live it alone and artificially.

-Signed, I don’t care

It’s All Fun & Games Until…

Consequences? Who worries about those? Correction, who worries about consequences when in the heat of the moment? Not everybody! There are many things in life that we choose to take chances and still be completely aware of what may be due us. This is understandable, but there are certain things that we ought  to not play Russian roulette with. The saying  goes ‘when you play with fire you will get burned’, well…….. (sometimes).

It’s all fun and games until……

You Get That Call. I realize that there are moments when things can get out of hand and in the heat of the moment stupid decisions don’t seem like such a bad idea. You’re in the moment and everything is perfect, but neither of you have a condom. You make the dumbest excuses ever. You think, “so-and-so looks clean” or “just this one time and then never again” or other idiotic home remedies to avoid possible trouble you’ve heard of. The worse part is that there are some of you that don’t care at all. There are others of you that fall in love every other week and since that’s your alleged “boo” you don’t feel the need to protect yourself. You put yourself in situations where you pray for your period. You put yourself in situations where you dread the call from the jump off conveniently 4 weeks after you hit. You say you’re grown and can do what you want. This is true. Let me be the 1st, 2nd or 50th to remind you of that when you need help with that kid you didn’t plan on having for that marvelous 3 and a half minutes way back when. The risks are your choice, but as I previously stated…

It’s all fun and games until……

You Get That Itch. There are people walking around with smiles on their faces and disease in their bodies. I don’t care how much you bathe, how great the sex/head is nor how good you smell, it will not erase an STD. I know of people that are fully aware that they have HIV and still do not care who they take down with them. When did it become uncool to go to the doctors? When did it become okay to be stupid when it comes to your health? It’s not so cute to brag about how many bad b*tches you f*ck when your d*ck is hanging on for dear life. All that “him” talk comes to a screeching halt when your vag starts doing cart wheels.

In most cases, no, in all cases it is not worth it! Don’t play with your life for a momentary “pleasure” that you may have to live with for the rest of your life. To many of you, I am speaking in vain, but I guess for others it will take having your 4th kid or your 5th abortion. Maybe it will take seeing yourself disintegrate  in the mirror because you got hit with something you cannot shake or had a curable STD for so long that you now have permanent damage. The moral of this story is that NO, you can’t put the head in and NO you can’t wait until you get a chick to get on all fours to sneak that condom off and NO it’s not cool to poke holes in condoms. Many of us need to inquire a little further before we select who we lay with. You need to get stuck up about your health and read up on health related issues in regards to sex and everything else. Be aware of the risks with oral sex, kissing, and other things that can be transmitted. Take care of yourselves! You don’t wanna have to blame it on the alcohol for the rest of your life.

-Signed, Wrap It Up!

“…and all that he can say is ‘baby, it’s good to me’…”

He’ll Be Fine

For some of us, the chase is more intriguing than the actual capture. For others of us, the world ought to be all about the capture. This is only the mere beginning of the confusion that leads to the heightened problem of trying to make one person the former or the latter. It isn’t my job to say who is right or wrong, but I will point out the obvious differences that some people (usually females) love to disregard. You always hear the “he was so great in the beginning” stories, which may very well be true, but if you knew the game you would understand.

“I thought you were the answer to the question in my mind, but I was wrong” -Mary J. Blige

Boys Will Be Boys. A part of me hates that saying, but it is what it is. Most males are only as committed as the moment or their options. A big issue is the delussional amounts of females that think they have magic vagina that will keep a man chasing her. Am I saying that all men cheat? No. What I am saying is that the men that do cheat do not all cheat for the same reasons. You can’t say I don’t love you just because I cheat on you. You don’t see all I do to keep you from knowing the things I do (John Legend). The truth is tough to hear and even harder to swallow (pause), but that doesn’t make it any less than what it is. In many cases, lack of a father, a compromising mother, a lifetime of chick flicks, countless love song albums and chances are you have before you a pretty unstable young woman. A young woman who knows that all she truly wants is to be happy and will do whatever she must to get it, even if she has to ignore the obvious. The signs are almost always already there that this is not something you should get yourself into, but you hope in your heart for your fairytale miracle…

“Boy, I need you to meet me half way if you want me to be with you” -Keyshia Cole (but did he ask?)

Chasing Pavements. There is a grand difference between being wrongfully led on and making entire situations up in your mind. For example, responsibilities of a boyfriend being placed on a man that isn’t yours is creating your own problem. The other side of that is having unrealistic expectations for your partner. These things are irrational and you need to check yourself. Leading people on is shady and at some point in your life you need to learn to detect this, if not then maybe you need to get opinions from those who can because nobody wants to hear about the 25 year old that somehow keeps getting screwed over. Yeah right, but you’re in love like every other week too? If you wanted to be treated like an adult you also need to grow up and deal with adult situations. While all the time that I was loving you, you were busy loving yourself. I would stop breathing if you told me to, but now you’re busy loving someone else (Mary J. Blige). That is a dangerous mindset. I understand your feelings. I feel them. That doesn’t justify your actions. If you were so meant to be, he’d call. He would never ignore you, disrespect you, get at your friends and whatever other trifling drama that occurs. Many just don’t want to accept reality, but that does not mean that reality does not exist. You can’t expect someone that is irresponsible in every other area in their life to do right by you.

“Don’t wanna lose ya. Don’t even own ya. I just wanna stay right here until never dawns, yeah.” -Corinne Bailey Rae

Why Are You Mad At “HER”? I’m riding home in pain again baby, and that don’t mean sh*t to you. You’re currently engaged in an intimate conversation with a young groupie or two. See players only love you when they’re playing games, still I gave my heart to you (Mariah Carey). The arch enemy! The other woman! For centuries this is the beef. It’s comedic. It’s sad. It’s a mess. When it comes to your alleged man messing around, that ought to be an issue with you two instead of you calling, harassing, arguing with, fighting, threatening, stalking the other female. I know it’s easier to trigger the energy to the other party whether or not the person knew about you, but the problem is your significant other (and maybe even you). Leave that woman alone and handle your business. People will only do to you what you allow them to get away with.

“And I try to front like ‘oh well’ each time you’ve let me down.” -Mariah Carey

Don’t get me wrong. I understand every feeling, however, to continually put yourself in those situations are pure insanity and people like that get no sympathy from me. In most cases, more females want to replace everything they never had in life with the love of a “man” and that just isn’t the way things work. It’s tough, because you hope almost every one you meet is the one because you want the search to be over. A big part of the issue is that you don’t do a self-assessment first. Get your own life together before you invite someone else into your messy house. My hope is that all of you put more effort into the damage control (that is yourself) than into someone that could most likely care less. You realize these guys don’t alter anything about their everyday and you change your number, clothes, hair, voice, eating habits, hobbies and affiliations. This is a sad reality. Let “him” go. Don’t be afraid to live better for yourself, because he’ll be fine with or without you.

-Signed, Yesterday I Fell In Love……..

“We said ‘let go’, but I kept on hanging on… inside I know it’s over, you’re really gone… it’s killing me cuz there ain’t nothing that I can do… baby, I stay in love with you… …how we gon act like what we had is nothing at all?”

“and I remember what you used to say…. we ride, we ride until the day that we die”

Move The Crowd

Acceptance. Whether you admit it or not, we all want it in some form or fashion. It is a logical pursuit as human beings to want to be a part of something, yet many look at it as a shameful desire. Yes, there are extremes that make wanting to be “in” quite unattractive, but that doesn’t destroy the original idea. There are certain “ins” that are fickle, shallow and not profitable yet are very appealing. An issue that does arise is when the attraction to acceptance is so great that you lose yourself.

“…fame is the worse drug known to man, it’s stronger than heroin, when you can look in the mirror like ‘there I am’ and still not see what you’ve become…” -Jay-Z

Lost Ones. We can make statements saying that we’d never do certain things and mean it until we are placed in a certain situation. It’s easy to criticize others for “selling out” when you have never gotten an offer. It can be as small as going up another pay grade in your profession to getting a glimpse of that Hollywood spotlight. All that it takes is a little bit and it can turn the most humble person into a proud fool. You change. Sometimes it’s so subtle, you don’t realize it until you don’t recognize yourself. You begin to distance yourself from those who have always been there. You prefer to cling to those who only recently noticed your existence and disregard the reality that they’ll hail then nail you no matter who you are (Lauryn Hill). That 15 minutes could feel more like 15 seconds and it is as if it vanished, but you still have to go back home. Trading your integrity for a false reality. Risking your relationships for affiliations. Spending money versus spending time. Exchanging your identity for an image. You’ve got to give the people what they want. But as long as “they” love you, I guess nothing else matters. I’m not trynna be rude, I’m just hatin’ on ya rules (Lupe Fiasco).

“…The people highest up got the lowest self-esteem, the prettiest people do the ugliest things, for the road to riches and diamond rings…” -Kanye West

“…They’ll tell you that you’re bright and that you got a future, but when you turn your back the same cats will try to shoot ya…” -DMX

Vanity|Fame. I know you think that you got it all. And by making other people feel small makes you think you’re unable to fall, but when you do, who you gonna call? (Lauryn Hill). It is a sad day to see people proudly sell themselves for cheap. Eventually realizing that the same crowd you once tried to move (influence), you are now lost in. It’s a pretty far fall from the top and most likely a lonely drop. Every man wanna act like he’s exempt, need to get down on his knees and repent (Lauryn Hill). I encourage everyone to count the cost of certain moves you make and determine if it’s worth it, whether it’s money, popularity, celebrity, “success”, a lover or whatever it may be. Never underestimate those who you scar, cuz karma karma karma come back to you hard (Lauryn Hill). Don’t lose yourself, your morals, your humility, your “realness” for the sake of something that will surely dwindle. It isn’t wrong to want to be a star, but also realize that stars burn out and even the stars we see in our sky a dying and merely a reflection of the past.

“I love the law, but sometimes it’s like that I love me more” -Lupe

“…Now how come ya talk turn cold? Gain the whole world for the price of ya soul…” -Lauryn Hill

-Signed, Your #1 Friend

Pinocchio Story

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, love in my mind. I seen nights full of pain, days of the same. You keep the sunshine, save me the rain. I search, but never find, hurt but never cry. I work and forever try, but I’m cursed so never mind. And it’s worse but better times seem further and beyond. The top gets higher, the more that I climb. The spot gets smaller and I get bigger. Trynna get in where I fit in, no room for a nigga, but soon for a nigga it be on motherf*cka, ’cause all this bullsh*t, it made me strong motherf*cka (Lil Wayne). This year of 2010 has been a major turning point in my world. A lot of things occurred that changed my life forever, for better and better off (no worse). It took some time, but (despite my dislike for clichés) this happened for my good. Where I want to be needs the foundation my life has laid already. I needed to go through these things. I needed to lose want I lost to gain what I got. I realize when you have great aspirations then most likely the barriers to reaching your dream may be as big as your passions. This is not for the weak-minded. This is not for the easily influenced. This the life that everybody ask for (Kanye), but the cost is great.

…let’s trade shoes just to see what it’d be like to feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other’s mind just to see what we find, look at sh*t through each other’s eyes, but don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful, they can all get f*cked, just stay true to you… ” -Eminem

Bittersweet Symphony. Lately I’ve been hard to reach, I’ve been too long on my own. Everybody has a private world where they can be alone (Eminem). I have had some very low points this year that I mostly kept to myself. Sometimes life gets so convoluted and arduous that you wish you can hit the reset button, pause it, skip a board or possibly not play at all. I’m no inspirational/motivational speaker so you’re not gonna get the “you can do it and don’t give up” speech from me, because in all honestly, that may not be your story. Not everybody wins. Not everybody tries. Not everybody perseveres. The life you’re living is the life you chose after a certain point in your life. Our circumstances are typically out of our control, but we are not powerless despite how it seems sometimes.

“and promoters try to get me out to their clubs and expect me to have fun, but I can’t imagine how… …and everybody talk and everybody listen, but somehow the truth just always comes up missing…” -Drake

Lost Ones. This has been a year of great distance for me. I have come a long way and have taken much time to grow up. There has also been other sorts of distance that isn’t so pleasant. But time don’t back it goes forward, can’t run from the pain go towards it, some things can’t be explained, what caused it (Jay-Z). I’ve distanced myself from people I would have never dreamed of “losing” (especially both of my parents), but sometimes you have to do what you need to do. Outsiders always think they know something and it’s usually the furthest from the truth. I could care less about those opinions because very few people know me. I just couldn’t pretend everything was okay anymore. Read between the lines ‘what’s f*cked up’ and ‘everything’s alright (Green Day). I’m not the type of person that cannot take being wrong (anymore). At times you could be right in a room full of wrongs and begin to question yourself. That’s what I compare some of those losses to. However, it is what it is and won’t be what it was anymore. Moving along…

“…naw, you wouldn’t understand…” -Biggy

Chemical Romance. People say I’ve got my hands in too many things, keeping time with paupers just as well as kings (Teena Marie). I find this to be one of the greatest oxymoronic aspects of my life. I love ‘love’ yet want nothing to do with it. I’m trying to learn to separate what I want from what I see; what is realistic from what is not sensible. I look at my parents’ relationships, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, friends and distant strangers. I typically find myself wondering, did you get into a relationship because you’re sick of being alone or that’s truly the one you wanted? I don’t want to be one of those people that settle for someone that either looks good on paper or is merely around. I think I’m too much. I think too much. [I] live in a mindset that [you] could never move to (Drake). What I want is very simple. ‘Will I get it?’ is the puzzling question that I will leave alone until whenever it needs to be tried. Moving along…

Everyday Struggle. I am still in the transitional phase of finding where I fit in this world, looking for where I want to be and figuring out how I’ll get there. I’m okay with being lost sometimes now. I’ve accepted not having all of the answers, especially since I don’t have all of the questions. Not getting what I want and reminding myself that I’m not a kid anymore is a challenge that I very well need and combat with. I know how it feel to wake up f*cked up (Biggy). I’ve learned not to dwell on things/situations/people I cannot change and to build a bridge and get over it. Easier said than done is what many will say, but most of those people haven’t even tried. Y’all don’t know my struggle, you can’t match my hustle, you can’t catch my hustle, you can’t fathom my love dude (Kanye). I’m at the stage in my life where I’d say I am learning to eat my vegetables and seeing what’s good for me. Though I sometimes (most times) knowingly choose the wrong things, at least I know better. Sometimes (most times) I have to stand alone on some things, but the results are far more worth it. You always gon’ need somebody, but all you got is yourself (Jadakiss). Everyone will never understand you or me nor the decisions we make. Maybe they aren’t supposed to. Maybe some of your dreams ought to be a secret. Others’ input can be dangerous at times. This is my life homie, you decide yours (Kanye). I won’t say that I’ll live everyday as if it were my last, because that would be pure chaos, but I do encourage you to learn yourself and to live forward; we only get one shot at life.

“respect the game, that should be it, what you eat don’t make me sh*t” -Jay-Z

“…talkin’ bullsh*t as if it was for you to know and I don’t have the heart to give these b*tch niggaz the cue to go, so they stick around, kicking out feedback and I entertain it is if I need that…” -Drake

-Signed, Miss Solo Dolo

“…I tell the truth, but I keep runnin’…”

Worst I Ever Had

Sex is one of the greatest wins since creation, but not always. Some of us have had some “interesting” experiences that may be embarrassing, something you’d rather forget, bizarre or just down right wrong! I hate for bad sex to happen to anyone, but it does happen and most of the time no one informs their partner that they weren’t feelin’ it. I don’t know if there are too many feelings worse than having bad sex and being expected to actually speak to the person afterwards. I have a 3-strike policy (too generous, I know), but I know I’ve been in situations where I just wanted to leave and didn’t care if it was a safe hour to do so. It’s understandable to not want to come at somebody that way because it can be a vulnerable experience for some and you don’t want them to end up like the 40 year old virgin and never try again (lol). So I gathered some feedback from some of you (my faithful readers) to composite some sex no-no’s and oh no’s.

“Don’t bore me, just show me” -Beyonce

Don’t You Hate A Shy Chick? Everyone isn’t the aggressive type, I realize this, but at some point in your adult life a girl’s got to come out of that shell. I consider it to be looked at like a stage performance. Maybe you aren’t the type that is up for an audience, but sometimes in life you get put on the spot and you just have to go for it. Well, guess what? Sex is your stage and your partner is your audience. All that shy sh*t is teenage behavior and not sexy. If you don’t know how to do something or if you don’t know what to do, I suggest you get your study on, because guess what girl friend, you could look like Halle Berry but laying on your back like a corpse is NOT cutting it. If you don’t want to participate in the class then don’t come. If you don’t like head, treat it like vegetables and learn to love it. Take one for the team and go for it. Don’t keep quoting “look ma, no hands” when you’re giving dry, lazy head. You can keep all that to yourself. If you can’t take a d*ck then I honestly don’t know what to tell you. Ladies, don’t talk dirty if you don’t get down like that.

“All that talk but it seems like it can’t come through… All them lies like you could satisfy me, now I see where believing you got me… Gave you the wheel, but you can’t drive me” -Destiny’s Child

He Got A Big… “Ego”. I’ve always said that men are like crackheads when it comes to p*ssy. They will say and do almost anything in the heat of the moment to get it. There ain’t nothing like getting all gassed up and being left thinking I should’ve had another mechanic under my hood (Mariah Carey). Disappointment isn’t the word. Destiny’s Child said it best with “Two things I don’t like when I tryin’ to get my groove, is a parter that meets me only half way and just can’t prove.
Take me out so deep when you know you can’t swim.” Some people need to stay in their own lane and ladies, we need to stop telling these fail whales that they are tearing it up when you know you were thinking about a million and one other things that you could be doing while he’s doing you. The ironic thing is the level of arrogance that the most terrible guys have and you think to yourself “and you acting like it’s all of that… I’m not feelin’ it… let’s go lil kitty kat” (Beyonce). I understand that a man’s pride/ego is as fragile as our emotions, but sometimes it needs to be said. Otherwise, there leaves room for more opportunities for Mr. Baggy Magnum, Mr. It’s Not Even In But You Still Going, Mr. No Stroke Just Grind, and you just want it to be over (and chances are…. about 60 seconds later, it is). Then you get the “your p*ssy is too good” line *yawn*, the jury is still out on that one!

False Advertisement. At the end of the day, it is my hope that everyone have passionate and fulfilling sex, but those fails can really mess with a person’s head (more so women than men, because y’all will just go f*ck somebody else). As men, y’all have to hope you don’t get your balls skinned by bad head. And women, we have to become special agents to weed out the all men talk but don’t please (Beyonce) types.

“I don’t think you understand, how real it is for me to find a man who thinks he can… So give it to me right or don’t give it to me at all” -Melanie Fiona

-Signed, C’mere Rude Boy Boy

Bitches Runnin’ Wild

It’s been years since I learned about supply and demand, but I must say that “hoes” are at an all time high. It’s like pick your flavor and whoop there it is (lol, but seriously). You have arrogant hoes, busted hoes, corny hoes, drunk hoes, egotistical hoes, fat hoes and we could go on for days. Despite the benefits (to some), these females giving out unlimited samples of their va-jay-jay, the disadvantages are greater. Consider why you do what you do, what you’re doing to yourself, and if you’re a mother, consider how you’re impacting the next generation.

“Q: What’s the difference between a ho and a b*tch? A ho f*cks everybody, but a b*tch f*cks everybody but you!” -Fear of A Black Hat

Scandal! I’ve heard some wild stories about how scandalous people can be. I have witnessed families fight, friendships broken, relationships ruined, usually due to pillow talking. Lives can be loss over BS like that, but it is as if people don’t look at the long-term effects of a momentary jump off. Dudes will blast their closest homie’s personal business, people get set up to get robbed and/or murdered. People puttin’ hoes over their family out here. Not to mention the STD rates, because people are making foolishness spontaneous decisions. You never know homie about these hoes homie… you need to pump ya breaks and drive slow! (Kanye). To make matters worse, there are some of y’all that’s out here wifin’ these skeezers. How foul is she and you wifed her? (Jay-Z)

“…Never trust a big butt and a smile…” -Bel Biv Devoe

Some of these chicks are so vicious that they aren’t even after your money, they just want to get at you to make your girl mad. They do these things to cause scenes and to get attention and many of y’all entertain it. The sadder part of that is when the real women begin to doubt themselves and feel like, ‘it’s foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women‘ (Beyonce). There are plenty of guys that lose good women cuz you chasin’ funky hookers (Three Times Dope).

I’ve said all of this to say that though some of us are merely onlookers of this f*ckery, everyone has a personal responsibility for who they allow themselves to be around and/or become. There are no victims in the life you choose. Ladies, you don’t have to try to be something you’re not in order to attract attention you actually don’t need. Fellas, you don’t accidentally trip, slip and fall in no p*ssy, so act accordingly and get a ho detector (if you so choose). It is beyond real out here and a lot of these children are products and witnesses of others living recklessly.

-Signed, She Was A Ho Fo Shooo

“Keep your ho on a leash”

“booty all out lookin’ trashy”