Archive for the ‘ Love ’ Category

He’ll Be Fine

For some of us, the chase is more intriguing than the actual capture. For others of us, the world ought to be all about the capture. This is only the mere beginning of the confusion that leads to the heightened problem of trying to make one person the former or the latter. It isn’t my job to say who is right or wrong, but I will point out the obvious differences that some people (usually females) love to disregard. You always hear the “he was so great in the beginning” stories, which may very well be true, but if you knew the game you would understand.

“I thought you were the answer to the question in my mind, but I was wrong” -Mary J. Blige

Boys Will Be Boys. A part of me hates that saying, but it is what it is. Most males are only as committed as the moment or their options. A big issue is the delussional amounts of females that think they have magic vagina that will keep a man chasing her. Am I saying that all men cheat? No. What I am saying is that the men that do cheat do not all cheat for the same reasons. You can’t say I don’t love you just because I cheat on you. You don’t see all I do to keep you from knowing the things I do (John Legend). The truth is tough to hear and even harder to swallow (pause), but that doesn’t make it any less than what it is. In many cases, lack of a father, a compromising mother, a lifetime of chick flicks, countless love song albums and chances are you have before you a pretty unstable young woman. A young woman who knows that all she truly wants is to be happy and will do whatever she must to get it, even if she has to ignore the obvious. The signs are almost always already there that this is not something you should get yourself into, but you hope in your heart for your fairytale miracle…

“Boy, I need you to meet me half way if you want me to be with you” -Keyshia Cole (but did he ask?)

Chasing Pavements. There is a grand difference between being wrongfully led on and making entire situations up in your mind. For example, responsibilities of a boyfriend being placed on a man that isn’t yours is creating your own problem. The other side of that is having unrealistic expectations for your partner. These things are irrational and you need to check yourself. Leading people on is shady and at some point in your life you need to learn to detect this, if not then maybe you need to get opinions from those who can because nobody wants to hear about the 25 year old that somehow keeps getting screwed over. Yeah right, but you’re in love like every other week too? If you wanted to be treated like an adult you also need to grow up and deal with adult situations. While all the time that I was loving you, you were busy loving yourself. I would stop breathing if you told me to, but now you’re busy loving someone else (Mary J. Blige). That is a dangerous mindset. I understand your feelings. I feel them. That doesn’t justify your actions. If you were so meant to be, he’d call. He would never ignore you, disrespect you, get at your friends and whatever other trifling drama that occurs. Many just don’t want to accept reality, but that does not mean that reality does not exist. You can’t expect someone that is irresponsible in every other area in their life to do right by you.

“Don’t wanna lose ya. Don’t even own ya. I just wanna stay right here until never dawns, yeah.” -Corinne Bailey Rae

Why Are You Mad At “HER”? I’m riding home in pain again baby, and that don’t mean sh*t to you. You’re currently engaged in an intimate conversation with a young groupie or two. See players only love you when they’re playing games, still I gave my heart to you (Mariah Carey). The arch enemy! The other woman! For centuries this is the beef. It’s comedic. It’s sad. It’s a mess. When it comes to your alleged man messing around, that ought to be an issue with you two instead of you calling, harassing, arguing with, fighting, threatening, stalking the other female. I know it’s easier to trigger the energy to the other party whether or not the person knew about you, but the problem is your significant other (and maybe even you). Leave that woman alone and handle your business. People will only do to you what you allow them to get away with.

“And I try to front like ‘oh well’ each time you’ve let me down.” -Mariah Carey

Don’t get me wrong. I understand every feeling, however, to continually put yourself in those situations are pure insanity and people like that get no sympathy from me. In most cases, more females want to replace everything they never had in life with the love of a “man” and that just isn’t the way things work. It’s tough, because you hope almost every one you meet is the one because you want the search to be over. A big part of the issue is that you don’t do a self-assessment first. Get your own life together before you invite someone else into your messy house. My hope is that all of you put more effort into the damage control (that is yourself) than into someone that could most likely care less. You realize these guys don’t alter anything about their everyday and you change your number, clothes, hair, voice, eating habits, hobbies and affiliations. This is a sad reality. Let “him” go. Don’t be afraid to live better for yourself, because he’ll be fine with or without you.

-Signed, Yesterday I Fell In Love……..

“We said ‘let go’, but I kept on hanging on… inside I know it’s over, you’re really gone… it’s killing me cuz there ain’t nothing that I can do… baby, I stay in love with you… …how we gon act like what we had is nothing at all?”

“and I remember what you used to say…. we ride, we ride until the day that we die”


I Want It All, BUT…

It is my hope that every person on earth has a dream (no MLK, but maybe). I would hope that people want something out of life, although the ways to go about obtaining these things may vary, but again, my hope is that you want something. I began to think about the choices I have made and am making and the things I am working for. I find myself to be so excited about my future, career-wise, that at times I lose sight of other things that I also very much want. Maybe you’re in the same boat, maybe you have it figured out or maybe this wouldn’t apply to you because you simply do not care, but you’re reading this so we’re getting somewhere.

For the Love of… Money? Love? Ray-J? I tend to try to keep my plans rather private because I don’t want a lot of opinions or discouragement (I do that to myself enough). It is as if when your dreams begin to become a reality that it can get a little scary (for me at least). It’s a good yet intimidating sort of scary. However, the desire to “make it” in whatever that may be overshadows everything else. I found myself wondering if it is possible to have both love and success (especially for a woman and doubly especially for a black woman). I look at people who have “made it” financially and career-wise (which is subjective) and think how many real friends do they honestly have. I wonder how lonely they are. I wonder if they hate who they have become or if they have changed at all. I wonder if they have “sold-out”, lied, cheated or schemed to get to this point. And most importnantly, I wonder if they are truly happy.

“…even though it seems I have everything, I don’t want to be a lonely fool…” -Sisqo

It makes me wonder if it will truly be worth it. Is it wise to go for the thing that makes you not want to sleep because you’re living the dream or should you take the chance to “wait for love” that isn’t guaranteed, yet beautiful. I see the indefinite aspect of love to be beautiful in itself. The possibility, the struggles, the perseverance, the knowing someone and everything else involved. Not only is that a big job, but it’s also not a guaranteed position for everyone. That scares me. It also makes me think about all that I have seen in my dealings with men or have watched in my father. With knowing what I know, will it ever happen for me? It seems impossible in the sense that I do not want to settle (not that I’m picky), but just acknowledging that we live in a very different time from the grandparents that met and married at like 16 and lasted 60 years.

“…she knows there’s more to life but she’s scared of ending up alone…” -Drake

I find myself to be very observant and curious (take that how you want), but that’s what added to this topic. I’ll see couples that are completely unsatisfied in both each other and their careers, but they feel stuck so they stay together. I don’t want that. At times I think, why would God give me this big heart, the great desire to serve and just be good to another person if it’ll never happen for me? Am I supposed to be just the world’s greatest hostess or is it a wife in training spirit in me? Am I supposed to be the queen of hospitality or a loving mother or both? I don’t know. It’s scary to not know. It’s tough to not have control over that one thing. It makes me think about the movie Bruce Almighty where “God” (Morgan Freeman) gives Bruce (Jim Carrey) his power, but the two stipulations are that he can’t tell anyone that he is God and he can’t make anyone love him. To take that a little further, I think about God and how he doesn’t force us to love him, but in a sense “hopes” for it. Now I am not out to have a religious debate, that was more so personal (well this entire blog is), but I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

“It gets lonely at the top.” -Kanye West

-Signed, Forever Alone?

“…someone who will put up with the things loving me can bring and still be there to see us through…” -Musiq

Pinocchio Story

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, love in my mind. I seen nights full of pain, days of the same. You keep the sunshine, save me the rain. I search, but never find, hurt but never cry. I work and forever try, but I’m cursed so never mind. And it’s worse but better times seem further and beyond. The top gets higher, the more that I climb. The spot gets smaller and I get bigger. Trynna get in where I fit in, no room for a nigga, but soon for a nigga it be on motherf*cka, ’cause all this bullsh*t, it made me strong motherf*cka (Lil Wayne). This year of 2010 has been a major turning point in my world. A lot of things occurred that changed my life forever, for better and better off (no worse). It took some time, but (despite my dislike for clichés) this happened for my good. Where I want to be needs the foundation my life has laid already. I needed to go through these things. I needed to lose want I lost to gain what I got. I realize when you have great aspirations then most likely the barriers to reaching your dream may be as big as your passions. This is not for the weak-minded. This is not for the easily influenced. This the life that everybody ask for (Kanye), but the cost is great.

…let’s trade shoes just to see what it’d be like to feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other’s mind just to see what we find, look at sh*t through each other’s eyes, but don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful, they can all get f*cked, just stay true to you… ” -Eminem

Bittersweet Symphony. Lately I’ve been hard to reach, I’ve been too long on my own. Everybody has a private world where they can be alone (Eminem). I have had some very low points this year that I mostly kept to myself. Sometimes life gets so convoluted and arduous that you wish you can hit the reset button, pause it, skip a board or possibly not play at all. I’m no inspirational/motivational speaker so you’re not gonna get the “you can do it and don’t give up” speech from me, because in all honestly, that may not be your story. Not everybody wins. Not everybody tries. Not everybody perseveres. The life you’re living is the life you chose after a certain point in your life. Our circumstances are typically out of our control, but we are not powerless despite how it seems sometimes.

“and promoters try to get me out to their clubs and expect me to have fun, but I can’t imagine how… …and everybody talk and everybody listen, but somehow the truth just always comes up missing…” -Drake

Lost Ones. This has been a year of great distance for me. I have come a long way and have taken much time to grow up. There has also been other sorts of distance that isn’t so pleasant. But time don’t back it goes forward, can’t run from the pain go towards it, some things can’t be explained, what caused it (Jay-Z). I’ve distanced myself from people I would have never dreamed of “losing” (especially both of my parents), but sometimes you have to do what you need to do. Outsiders always think they know something and it’s usually the furthest from the truth. I could care less about those opinions because very few people know me. I just couldn’t pretend everything was okay anymore. Read between the lines ‘what’s f*cked up’ and ‘everything’s alright (Green Day). I’m not the type of person that cannot take being wrong (anymore). At times you could be right in a room full of wrongs and begin to question yourself. That’s what I compare some of those losses to. However, it is what it is and won’t be what it was anymore. Moving along…

“…naw, you wouldn’t understand…” -Biggy

Chemical Romance. People say I’ve got my hands in too many things, keeping time with paupers just as well as kings (Teena Marie). I find this to be one of the greatest oxymoronic aspects of my life. I love ‘love’ yet want nothing to do with it. I’m trying to learn to separate what I want from what I see; what is realistic from what is not sensible. I look at my parents’ relationships, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, friends and distant strangers. I typically find myself wondering, did you get into a relationship because you’re sick of being alone or that’s truly the one you wanted? I don’t want to be one of those people that settle for someone that either looks good on paper or is merely around. I think I’m too much. I think too much. [I] live in a mindset that [you] could never move to (Drake). What I want is very simple. ‘Will I get it?’ is the puzzling question that I will leave alone until whenever it needs to be tried. Moving along…

Everyday Struggle. I am still in the transitional phase of finding where I fit in this world, looking for where I want to be and figuring out how I’ll get there. I’m okay with being lost sometimes now. I’ve accepted not having all of the answers, especially since I don’t have all of the questions. Not getting what I want and reminding myself that I’m not a kid anymore is a challenge that I very well need and combat with. I know how it feel to wake up f*cked up (Biggy). I’ve learned not to dwell on things/situations/people I cannot change and to build a bridge and get over it. Easier said than done is what many will say, but most of those people haven’t even tried. Y’all don’t know my struggle, you can’t match my hustle, you can’t catch my hustle, you can’t fathom my love dude (Kanye). I’m at the stage in my life where I’d say I am learning to eat my vegetables and seeing what’s good for me. Though I sometimes (most times) knowingly choose the wrong things, at least I know better. Sometimes (most times) I have to stand alone on some things, but the results are far more worth it. You always gon’ need somebody, but all you got is yourself (Jadakiss). Everyone will never understand you or me nor the decisions we make. Maybe they aren’t supposed to. Maybe some of your dreams ought to be a secret. Others’ input can be dangerous at times. This is my life homie, you decide yours (Kanye). I won’t say that I’ll live everyday as if it were my last, because that would be pure chaos, but I do encourage you to learn yourself and to live forward; we only get one shot at life.

“respect the game, that should be it, what you eat don’t make me sh*t” -Jay-Z

“…talkin’ bullsh*t as if it was for you to know and I don’t have the heart to give these b*tch niggaz the cue to go, so they stick around, kicking out feedback and I entertain it is if I need that…” -Drake

-Signed, Miss Solo Dolo

“…I tell the truth, but I keep runnin’…”


There are things that happen to us in life that are out of our hands, but there are also situations where we have power and play a significant role. Over the years I have become very aware of myself in several ways and one of those ways is how I sabotage myself whether it’s intentionally or realized after the fact. Part of me hates to write this because I’m using myself as an example, but I’m sure I’m not alone in my foolishness. I’m the type of person that it is difficult for me to really take in new people, but once I do it is a challenge to let them go. Especially when everyone gives the “I’m Different” speech, but everyone does what everyone else has done… Leave. Though I may never show it, this is my reality. I love hard and hurt even harder (pause lol).

The Miseducation of Kesh. It’s hard to finally build up the courage to be into someone and it seems as if the chase is over for them and you’re left there in your feelings (salty). I was always taught to be strong. Never let them think you care at all (Musiq). Though the chase ends on the guy’s part, it’s at that point that the chase begins on the female’s part, but he’s already on to the next one(s). It made me wonder why some of us women do this. Why do we go after men who are no longer after us. In my case I feel like a part of it is that never-ending father factor having its part. It made me wonder maybe it is this way because the first man your young heart tried to love didn’t want you either (whether he was around or not). And for others of us, it’s not as if mom made it any easier by being a positive example of what not settling looks like.

“We of the fatherless tribe love men differently” -Gina Loring (Def Poet)

Walking Oxymoron. Let’s place the emphasis on the moron. I wish I could change, I wish I could change, I wish I could stop doing the same old things (Robin Thicke). Though change is not impossible, it surely isn’t a 10-step program nor is there any easy button to press. To say that I have been through a lot is an understatement. I don’t consider past events to be an excuse for my actions, but they are definitely within my arsenal of destructive behaviors of pushing people away when they get close, attempting to seem unmoved by others’ actions, falling for the same type hoping it’ll be different, being terrified of ‘the nice guy’ (for good reason).

“Do you think you could fall for a woman like me? Cause I find it hard to trust, I need too much and I really don’t believe in love, no no” -Beyonce

“My heart’s at a low. I’m so much to manage. I think you should know that I’ve been damaged” -TLC

Handle With Care. I despise when people play with others’ feelings for sport without considering the unnecessary damage it’ll do. I’d rather hear “I’m not interested” than the countless lame excuses of “naw, it’s not even like that, I just been busy”. Actions show true intentions. We all make time for what and who we want. I’m an all or nothing type of person so I hate that game and I don’t play it with people. If you ain’t down to give me everything, just throw it away (P!nk). It bugs me when my time is wasted because I don’t get that back.

“In my life, there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again” -Foreigner

“Don’t you go breaking my heart, stay for a while” -702

I wouldn’t say I’ve quit my interest in love. I just don’t know if I have the energy to gamble on it again (I always lose at gambling in general, how ironic lol). I hate to see what the losing side does, the friendships lost, the recovery period and the whole process. I don’t miss it and quite frankly would prefer to never experience it again, but it wouldn’t be living if I didn’t try. Cause I don’t want to lose you if you really really really care (TLC). I feel like I live in a world where people want everything for nothing. It as if the expectation is for me to be totally committed as if we didn’t just meet. When the sales pitch sounds too promising early on because of the hype, I tend to run for the hills. Hopefully one of these days I’ll stop running…

“Don’t expect me just to open up. Maybe I’m just a little scared. Please don’t tell me what you think I wanna hear” -P!nk

-Signed, It’s not you, it’s me (and maybe also you)

“…cuz I got time while [he] got freedom, cuz when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven… …what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?…” -The Script

“I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me” -Mariah Carey

“Don’t wanna start over again (cuz I’ve had enough). I don’t wanna hurt again (sorry I give up). I really know what I’m missin (pain and heartache). I’m tired of it cuz my eyes are stayin dry now. Don’t wanna let it another in (cuz I’m cool on that)… …Can you forgive me? I know it might sound crazy, but who knew love could be so draining? Tired of opening up. Tired of caring. I don’t feel like lovin’ you” -LeToya Luckett

Don’t Confuse The Facts

I know being creative is encouraged throughout life, but fabrication is an entirely different playing field. I find myself coming across several situations where people have imagined things they wish for, but are obviously not the case. What do I mean by this? What am I referring to? I’m glad you wondered! I’m talking about those that claim certain situations are more than what they actually were.

The “Boy”. There are many females running rapid “claiming” people that are likely not even aware. Just because the person has your number doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because you went out maybe once or twice doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because y’all have great conversations doesn’t mean y’all together. And guess what? Just because y’all fucked doesn’t mean y’all together! What goes through people’s minds to make up entire relationships from something that was simple, then wonder why he’s just not that into you. Maybe it’s because you are doing entirely too much! Being overly possessive has never been sexy. I don’t know if these people hallucinate or what, but something isn’t processing in the sanity department.

It Was Just Sex? In our generation, casual sex is pretty much the norm. In a lot of situations, instead of people leaving things as they are by just saying it is what it is, they create these bizarre connections. Don’t get it twisted, this isn’t just ladies. There are many fellas that get interested in a female and try to arm wrestle her into a relationship. The jealousy begins. The how many people you talk to questions begin to arise. Clocking, stalking, and interrogation is at an all new high coming from people that are not an item.

“…yeah we fucked, bitch so what…” -Eminem

I say this because it annoys me to see this. I also say this because I don’t like getting those random messages or dirty stares from broads I don’t know, especially over dudes I barely associate with. The point of this blog is just as the title says, don’t confuse the facts. I like you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. Just because we chilled doesn’t mean you’re the only person that gets my time. Just because I’m nice to you doesn’t mean anything beyond that unless you are advised otherwise. Don’t get caught up in your feelings and be disappointed as if anyone else is responsible for them. I hope you cuckoo birds find some sanity in your unrealistic worlds. 🙂

-Signed, Sane in the City

“you don’t want that, neither do I… I don’t wanna flip when I see you with guys” -Eminem


Maybe it’s just me, but I used to think that without question that the three toughest words to say to another person was “I love you”. Maybe it’s just my personal experience. Lately it seems as if those three words have a close runner up as far as words that are tough to say in my world. I thought about this more as I watched one of my favorite movies, “Hitch” starring Will Smith. There are several powerful statements and points made in that movie and what I am about to discuss. First check out the clip from the movie that sparked this topic below.

(Start at 2:33 to 3:00)

Why does it seem so difficult to say “I like you” and mean it or to say it and the other person believe you and that’s it. There’s always this assumption of some sort of underlying meaning, hidden agenda, or the thought that it’s pure bs. Sometimes I just genuinely enjoy someone’s company, but if I say that it is usually taken a different way than I intended it. I try to be straight-forward by saying what I mean and meaning what I say because I don’t like to be confused so I try not to confuse others. It’s weird though, because if I tell someone I like them, it’s taken to “she wants a relationship” or the other extreme, which I call the Super Bad Complex, “oh she wants to put her mouth on or around my dick” (lol but seriously), when I only mean the three words I said.

“…yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too” -Fergie

I notice that I can fall in and out of like every other week, so I don’t see it as a big deal, but it seems to be taken as one. It’s to the point that I think I shouldn’t say it anymore. Am I looking into it too deeply? Is this a realistic assessment? Is it just me? I have no idea. It’s interesting to say the least. Why can’t two people enjoy one another’s company and it be as simple as the time spent? When did it all get so complicated since the elementary days?

“…A boyfriend ain’t what I want… Now we can kick it baby, just like the way we’ve been… I just need to be free, don’t need you to rescue me…” -Vivian Green

-Signed, Check: Yes, No or Maybe

“…cuz I like it, but I don’t need it… I don’t wanna be your girl friend…” -Vivian Green

So They Cheated On You…

Everybody hates being lied to, yet everybody lies. The funny thing is we tend to do most of the lying to ourselves and for some, it only seems to worsen with age. Sometimes children seem harsh with their (unknown to themselves) honesty when they point out things in life. For example, when you’re embarrassed that your child yells out that a stranger has on a bad wig and you likely immediately apologize on their behalf. It’s a “White Chicks” (the movie) moment, they said it but you were thinking it. So here you are in your next relationship and they have all cheated and what do you do? The emphasis is usually placed on the cheater, but let’s look at the other side this time. Do you act as if you don’t know? Stay? Snap? Get Revenge? Try to work it out? Get bitter? What do you do?

“What if I broke our monogamous agreement? What if I told you I lied, but didn’t mean it? What if my one mistake had the potential to break up our happy home, would you want to know?” -Lyfe Jennings

Everyone wants to get that “oh how could someone do that to you” response when talking about their ex and how they cheated. That’s all well and good, but what was your part in it? In no way do I condone cheating at all, but also in no way can I prevent it. You could be doing everything “right” and still get cheated on. The question is why? The answers vary. People look at celebs and wonder how could so-and-so cheat on her when she’s so beautiful? First off, that could have nothing to do with it, second you don’t know them, and third mind your own and tend to your own business or lack thereof.The next question is one that you should have considered when you went into this relationship and that is “am I willing to try to make this work to the best of my ability?” In no way am I giving out a “get out of being caught cheating free card” but as an adult you have to learn to go through some tough things to make something that you deem as worthy to work.

“If your heart isn’t in it, oh can’t you tell me so?” -Atlantic Starr

People belittle their worth when desperation sets in and wonder later on how they wound up hating what they had started. If you notice the same patterns in all of your relationships maybe it’s time to look in the mirror truly naked and take off your excuses. Grow up. I do not baby adults so either you choose to get your sh*t together or go home to your mama. I’m not saying this to be harsh, but you cannot expect people to hold your hand forever or always arrive first to your pity party. Take charge of your life and accept responsibility for your choices. Relationships have the ability to endure as much as the parties involved are willing to let it. I can empathize with the hurt of being cheating on, but I will never sulk over it. Live Forward.

“…I know she was attractive, but I was here first…” -Beyonce

-Signed, Choose Wisely

…What if I had a thing on the side? Made ya cry? Would the rules change up or would they still apply?… -Ciara

…but you’re just a boy and you understand… -Beyonce