Archive for the ‘ Drama ’ Category

It’s All Fun & Games Until…

Consequences? Who worries about those? Correction, who worries about consequences when in the heat of the moment? Not everybody! There are many things in life that we choose to take chances and still be completely aware of what may be due us. This is understandable, but there are certain things that we ought  to not play Russian roulette with. The saying  goes ‘when you play with fire you will get burned’, well…….. (sometimes).

It’s all fun and games until……

You Get That Call. I realize that there are moments when things can get out of hand and in the heat of the moment stupid decisions don’t seem like such a bad idea. You’re in the moment and everything is perfect, but neither of you have a condom. You make the dumbest excuses ever. You think, “so-and-so looks clean” or “just this one time and then never again” or other idiotic home remedies to avoid possible trouble you’ve heard of. The worse part is that there are some of you that don’t care at all. There are others of you that fall in love every other week and since that’s your alleged “boo” you don’t feel the need to protect yourself. You put yourself in situations where you pray for your period. You put yourself in situations where you dread the call from the jump off conveniently 4 weeks after you hit. You say you’re grown and can do what you want. This is true. Let me be the 1st, 2nd or 50th to remind you of that when you need help with that kid you didn’t plan on having for that marvelous 3 and a half minutes way back when. The risks are your choice, but as I previously stated…

It’s all fun and games until……

You Get That Itch. There are people walking around with smiles on their faces and disease in their bodies. I don’t care how much you bathe, how great the sex/head is nor how good you smell, it will not erase an STD. I know of people that are fully aware that they have HIV and still do not care who they take down with them. When did it become uncool to go to the doctors? When did it become okay to be stupid when it comes to your health? It’s not so cute to brag about how many bad b*tches you f*ck when your d*ck is hanging on for dear life. All that “him” talk comes to a screeching halt when your vag starts doing cart wheels.

In most cases, no, in all cases it is not worth it! Don’t play with your life for a momentary “pleasure” that you may have to live with for the rest of your life. To many of you, I am speaking in vain, but I guess for others it will take having your 4th kid or your 5th abortion. Maybe it will take seeing yourself disintegrate  in the mirror because you got hit with something you cannot shake or had a curable STD for so long that you now have permanent damage. The moral of this story is that NO, you can’t put the head in and NO you can’t wait until you get a chick to get on all fours to sneak that condom off and NO it’s not cool to poke holes in condoms. Many of us need to inquire a little further before we select who we lay with. You need to get stuck up about your health and read up on health related issues in regards to sex and everything else. Be aware of the risks with oral sex, kissing, and other things that can be transmitted. Take care of yourselves! You don’t wanna have to blame it on the alcohol for the rest of your life.

-Signed, Wrap It Up!

“…and all that he can say is ‘baby, it’s good to me’…”



There are things that happen to us in life that are out of our hands, but there are also situations where we have power and play a significant role. Over the years I have become very aware of myself in several ways and one of those ways is how I sabotage myself whether it’s intentionally or realized after the fact. Part of me hates to write this because I’m using myself as an example, but I’m sure I’m not alone in my foolishness. I’m the type of person that it is difficult for me to really take in new people, but once I do it is a challenge to let them go. Especially when everyone gives the “I’m Different” speech, but everyone does what everyone else has done… Leave. Though I may never show it, this is my reality. I love hard and hurt even harder (pause lol).

The Miseducation of Kesh. It’s hard to finally build up the courage to be into someone and it seems as if the chase is over for them and you’re left there in your feelings (salty). I was always taught to be strong. Never let them think you care at all (Musiq). Though the chase ends on the guy’s part, it’s at that point that the chase begins on the female’s part, but he’s already on to the next one(s). It made me wonder why some of us women do this. Why do we go after men who are no longer after us. In my case I feel like a part of it is that never-ending father factor having its part. It made me wonder maybe it is this way because the first man your young heart tried to love didn’t want you either (whether he was around or not). And for others of us, it’s not as if mom made it any easier by being a positive example of what not settling looks like.

“We of the fatherless tribe love men differently” -Gina Loring (Def Poet)

Walking Oxymoron. Let’s place the emphasis on the moron. I wish I could change, I wish I could change, I wish I could stop doing the same old things (Robin Thicke). Though change is not impossible, it surely isn’t a 10-step program nor is there any easy button to press. To say that I have been through a lot is an understatement. I don’t consider past events to be an excuse for my actions, but they are definitely within my arsenal of destructive behaviors of pushing people away when they get close, attempting to seem unmoved by others’ actions, falling for the same type hoping it’ll be different, being terrified of ‘the nice guy’ (for good reason).

“Do you think you could fall for a woman like me? Cause I find it hard to trust, I need too much and I really don’t believe in love, no no” -Beyonce

“My heart’s at a low. I’m so much to manage. I think you should know that I’ve been damaged” -TLC

Handle With Care. I despise when people play with others’ feelings for sport without considering the unnecessary damage it’ll do. I’d rather hear “I’m not interested” than the countless lame excuses of “naw, it’s not even like that, I just been busy”. Actions show true intentions. We all make time for what and who we want. I’m an all or nothing type of person so I hate that game and I don’t play it with people. If you ain’t down to give me everything, just throw it away (P!nk). It bugs me when my time is wasted because I don’t get that back.

“In my life, there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again” -Foreigner

“Don’t you go breaking my heart, stay for a while” -702

I wouldn’t say I’ve quit my interest in love. I just don’t know if I have the energy to gamble on it again (I always lose at gambling in general, how ironic lol). I hate to see what the losing side does, the friendships lost, the recovery period and the whole process. I don’t miss it and quite frankly would prefer to never experience it again, but it wouldn’t be living if I didn’t try. Cause I don’t want to lose you if you really really really care (TLC). I feel like I live in a world where people want everything for nothing. It as if the expectation is for me to be totally committed as if we didn’t just meet. When the sales pitch sounds too promising early on because of the hype, I tend to run for the hills. Hopefully one of these days I’ll stop running…

“Don’t expect me just to open up. Maybe I’m just a little scared. Please don’t tell me what you think I wanna hear” -P!nk

-Signed, It’s not you, it’s me (and maybe also you)

“…cuz I got time while [he] got freedom, cuz when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven… …what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?…” -The Script

“I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me” -Mariah Carey

“Don’t wanna start over again (cuz I’ve had enough). I don’t wanna hurt again (sorry I give up). I really know what I’m missin (pain and heartache). I’m tired of it cuz my eyes are stayin dry now. Don’t wanna let it another in (cuz I’m cool on that)… …Can you forgive me? I know it might sound crazy, but who knew love could be so draining? Tired of opening up. Tired of caring. I don’t feel like lovin’ you” -LeToya Luckett

Don’t Confuse The Facts

I know being creative is encouraged throughout life, but fabrication is an entirely different playing field. I find myself coming across several situations where people have imagined things they wish for, but are obviously not the case. What do I mean by this? What am I referring to? I’m glad you wondered! I’m talking about those that claim certain situations are more than what they actually were.

The “Boy”. There are many females running rapid “claiming” people that are likely not even aware. Just because the person has your number doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because you went out maybe once or twice doesn’t mean y’all together. Just because y’all have great conversations doesn’t mean y’all together. And guess what? Just because y’all fucked doesn’t mean y’all together! What goes through people’s minds to make up entire relationships from something that was simple, then wonder why he’s just not that into you. Maybe it’s because you are doing entirely too much! Being overly possessive has never been sexy. I don’t know if these people hallucinate or what, but something isn’t processing in the sanity department.

It Was Just Sex? In our generation, casual sex is pretty much the norm. In a lot of situations, instead of people leaving things as they are by just saying it is what it is, they create these bizarre connections. Don’t get it twisted, this isn’t just ladies. There are many fellas that get interested in a female and try to arm wrestle her into a relationship. The jealousy begins. The how many people you talk to questions begin to arise. Clocking, stalking, and interrogation is at an all new high coming from people that are not an item.

“…yeah we fucked, bitch so what…” -Eminem

I say this because it annoys me to see this. I also say this because I don’t like getting those random messages or dirty stares from broads I don’t know, especially over dudes I barely associate with. The point of this blog is just as the title says, don’t confuse the facts. I like you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. Just because we chilled doesn’t mean you’re the only person that gets my time. Just because I’m nice to you doesn’t mean anything beyond that unless you are advised otherwise. Don’t get caught up in your feelings and be disappointed as if anyone else is responsible for them. I hope you cuckoo birds find some sanity in your unrealistic worlds. 🙂

-Signed, Sane in the City

“you don’t want that, neither do I… I don’t wanna flip when I see you with guys” -Eminem

That Was Yesterday

There’s this line from a song by 50 Cent where he says, “if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have luck” there are many times in my life that I have felt like that was the gist of my world. Why am I saying this? I’m glad you wondered (lol)! I have come to a point in my life where I refuse to dwell on things and especially people that I cannot change. If my power is limited then so is my concern in a sense. By this I mean, I won’t stress myself out over things that are truly out of my hands. All I can be is there at times.

“…I could really use a wish right now…” -B.O.B.

I always loved the quote by Ghandi, “be the change you want to see in the world”. In my experience, those that have taken such a statement and ran with it added a possibly subconscious expectation to Ghandi’s words. Just because you choose to be the change you want to see in the world does not mean that everyone else will. As simple as it sounds, it is a difficult reality for some people to accept. I notice this in every type of relationship. Some people are tick for tack with everything and will not let you forget that you “owe them one”. There’s this episode The Office where Dwight goes out of his way to do favors for people that they didn’t ask for just so that he can say that they owe him one ( <–clip link). Though it was a funny scene, the reality is that there are many than live this way. As I already stated, you can never expect for other people to do what you would have done, how you would have done it or to think as you do. It is unfair, unrealistic, and immature.

“…a friend once said, which I found to be true, that every day people, they lie to God too, so what makes you think that they won’t lie to you?…” -Lauryn Hill

There’s A Difference. At times people will say that they feel unappreciated, which is common. Others will say they have been taken for granted and they might be right. My issue comes in where people say that they have been taken advantage of. I don’t understand how any fully able adult can say that of a person over periods of time and still think they are the victim. I do not throw pity parties. If you choose to allow people to take your kindness for weakness and any of the like, that io\s your own decision. The saying goes “fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me”.

I realize that sometimes people cling to poisonous relationships for multiple reasons and a lot of the time it’s loneliness or they are afraid of losing someone. Though it is surely understandable and I can empathize, however, it is not an excuse. It is a choice and will always be a choice. No matter what, we always have a choice in this life, the options may not be to our liking, but we can always choose something! Consequences may also very.

“It may not be a choice you like, but it is a choice.” -Michelle Pfeiffer, Dangerous Minds

“We must never claim that our relationships with others do not affect us deeply: they do” -Dr. Larry Crabb

At some point, one has to take responsibility for both what and who you allow in your life. You can’t play the victim forever and you can’t live in past glories forever. My old pastor used to give the example of people that maybe won awards or were very successful at some point and how they live in yester-year most likely because they haven’t done anything beyond that one thing since then. That is a sad existence and I wish it on no one.

“…one shot to your heart without breaking your skin, no one can the power to hurt you like you kin/friends…” -India.Arie

I hope that everyone realizes that even though some people may promise you forever, this does not always happen. That can be painful, especially with those closest to you, but it’s a matter of learning how to let go of people who do not want to be kept. That doesn’t mean you can’t care about them anymore. This also doesn’t mean for you to walk through like with a rain cloud over your head and take your frustrations out on those who have done you no harm. There are healthier ways to grieve and let go of a lost relationship. Some things in life you may never get over, but there are ways to manage that as well.

“…in this life we all know that friends may come and they may go, but through it all I know I will stay…” -John Legend

There are three thoughts I hope you take from this: 1) Be mindful of what is actually going on around you before you attempt to play the victim when there are alternatives to your predicament 2) Let your present accomplishments overshadow your past everything 3) Don’t dwell over things you have no control over. It is a given that in life people will hurt us in different ways and a majority of the time it will be those you love the most. I have learned that usually when something bad happens to me (which is more often than not lol), it might get to me at the moment, but typically by the next day (at the latest) I’m fine for the most part. I think to myself, “that was yesterday, I can’t do anything about yesterday”.

“When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. ” -TD Jakes

-Signed, I wish you well

“…when the dark clouds arise, I will stay by your side… I know we’ll be alright… I will stay you…”

Test Of Time

Love! It’s something every person desires in some respect and one of the most complex things we encounter in life, even in the midst of it still occasionally asking yourself “what is it? and if it is, am I doing it right?” In the Bible there are two different types of love, agape and phileo (in Greek), which is unconditional and brotherly love. My focus will be on agape in romantic endeavors. Be reminded, I’m no specialist and this is my own opinion and I’m entitled to it :-).

It’s Work And Play. It seems natural to yearn for the positive things in a relationship and I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, but there needs to be a balance. Being realistic isn’t far-fetched, look at your world around you… life happens and it isn’t always “dandy” to say the least. There will be wonderful times and rough times, what you need to know for/about yourself is what you’re willing to put up with.

“I been your baby, and I don’t know why you don’t seem like that no more.. welcome to the new definition of love” -Mary J. Blige

“What about the crazy fights? What about the sleepless nights? What about a brother’s ego? What about the sacred vows? How do lover’s work it out? There’s much more than the tango” -Chrisette Michele

Get Passed Your Past.We all have a past and I always say that it is never fair to hold someone elses wrongs against you against someone else. You can’t play the victim your entire life and you also can’t expect the other person to take the heat for another person. Sometimes it’s a matter of maybe you make bad choices in who you get into relationships with or a plethora (love that word lol) of reasons. Look in the mirror often, don’t point the finger, bend the elbow and point back at yourself first. It isn’t fair to have unrealistic expectations on someone else and you know you aren’t a piece of cake either. Know your limits and truly evaluate if a relationship is something you can commit to before you drag someone else into your mess. A relationship should consists of two whole people not someone looking to be completed.

“Fussin’ and fightin’, we back at it again.. I know that, its my fault, but you don’t understand.. I got memories.. this is crazy.. you ain’t nothing like the girl I used to know” -Omarion

Work It Out. In all relationships there is some level of disagreement. No two people will ever agree on every single thing so why trip when this happens? Love will make you do some silly things at times, but if it’s worth it, hopefully you will do whatever it takes. Sometimes people have never witnessed a succesful relationship and don’t know how to love you and maybe you need to step up and open up about that. Be vulnerable enough to tell them what you want, like, and need. The saying goes “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed,” so follow suit.

“I was always taught to be strong.. never let them think you care at all.. Let no one get close to me.. Before you and me” -Musiq

“Sometimes I love you more than you’ll ever know.. Other times you get on my nerves.. That’s just reality.. No, it can’t always be kisses, hugs, and beautiful words” -Ne-Yo

Is It Worth It? If you are truly all in it, sometimes you have to “take one for the team” and decide, “you know what, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong, WE are more important than this” only IF that is your mentality. There are times where you have to stop yourself and say “is who’s right really that important? am I really going to go hours or days without them (that I can’t get back) because I want to be right?” I think that’s petty. Though there are points where you might need to have some time apart for the sake of peace, that’s different and in certain cases, not over foolishness. Grow up.

“Gonna swallow my pride.. say I’m sorry.. stop pointing fingers the blame is on me” -Boys II Men

100/100. I always say I have no interest in a 50/50 relationship, but 100/100. When you are all in, it’s difficult to nitpick about what someone is not doing because you’re loving them regardless, because that’s what you chose to do. It’s nothing like the friendly competition of trying to out-love each other lol. It can be a beautiful thing if you can set aside your selfishness for a moment. Don’t wait until it’s too late to offer your best!

“She said she’s tired that I’m always on the road..Too hard to swallow.. being alone.. She needs someone at night that she can hold.. She must have told me a thousand times before.. Silent cries I use to ignore.. God knows I love her.. Didn’t mean to hurt her” -Anthony Hamilton

“Just copped your girl a brand new Rolex.. But you can never find the time to spend at home.. Thinkin’ it’s gon’ keep her happy.. When time is all she wanted all along.. Searching for what’s right in front of your face.. But you can’t see it” -Usher

“It ain’t all roses.. flowers imposing.. said it ain’t all candy.. this love stuff is demanding.. Sometimes I need a hug..” -Mary J. Blige

-Signed, that’s the thing about love

“..Someone who will put up with the things.. Loving me can bring.. But still be there to see us through.. Someone who would put up with the strange and complicated things.. Cause I would do the same for her too..” -Musiq

It Kills Me

I was driving somewhere a few weeks ago and playing my Melanie Fiona cd. I usually skip the singles that are on the radio, but “It Kills Me” caught me that day. It made me think about the women who feel this way (in reference to the lyrics) and it made my heart heavy. Though I’m not in that predicament anymore, I can still empathize with those who are unfortunately choosing to be in a state of feeling they need to stay with someone that doesn’t treat them right. The line that caught me was:

“..cuz I can’t be alone, I need you to come on home.. I know you’re messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down?..”

Foolish. I think Ashanti said it best when she sang, “..see my days are cold without you, but I’m hurting while I’m with you, and though my heart can’t take no more, I just keep running back to you..” A part of me wants to ask why do we as women do this to ourselves? The other side of me knows the answer already and doesn’t want to bother to ask. However, I realize I can only really answer this for myself as to why I chose (and sometimes still choose) to be foolish.

“..never thought I’d be afraid to trust somebody that I love so much, but if I can’t get you out of the streets, then you don’t need to be with you..” -Monica

“..deep in my heart I know you couldn’t love me, but I just kept holding on..” -Keyshia Cole

I’ve never had any real positive male influences in my life, or females for that matter. I’ve never really witnessed a good example on how things ought to be, I just always was aware that a better way of doing things existed. I’ve seen men and women teach their daughters how to be weak for a man, even in the smallest things. I have seen things unspoken, but impression-wise taught. I’ve seen “love” make people step outside of their normal selves and do some bizarre and/or twisted things. Especially when you know all you do is hurt in your relationship and try to make it seems like a paradise to everyone else. It’s a sad scene to witness and I pray I never experience it firsthand.

“..he’s so caught up.. he don’t call her.. he shows no love..” – Keyshia Cole

In my case, I have never had a faithful boyfriend for example, but I never wanted to believe it. In my mind, I would say to myself that was the one thing I can’t rock with. You can get paralyzed, forget who I am, get on drugs, whatever and I can ride with you, but bringing another person into our relationship is something I don’t think I can ever survive. Why? I’m not certain. Probably because in most cases that is what I have seen the women around me hurt from the most. There has always been and will always be a “her” that doesn’t really care what y’all have gone through, for how long, or how many kids you have, but she is just getting hers for as long as your man allows it.

“..and if you ever get her back, it’ll never be the same again.. she’s at the corner of her eyes every time she sees your face.. ..when a woman’s fed up..” -R. Kelly

False Fear? Another big issue I have noticed is the fear of being alone. Not having that warm body at night or that consistent communication or sex. It’s almost as if you feel stuck because you have invested so much, especially your time to let it go over an unfaithful relationship. Infidelity then gets watered down from how much it really impacts because of this “fear” of being alone, when in reality you can be alone in a relationship. I call those relationshits (word to Dane Cook lol, but seriously).

“’s foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women..” -Beyonce

“ man can make one woman hate all men..” -R. Kelly

I am doing my best to get out of this mentality of accepting someone not giving me their best just as I am giving mine, but when the records show otherwise, it is difficult to be hopeful. The last thing I want is to be bitter or pessimistic, but the struggle is so great when it is all I’ve experienced and all I see and have seen my entire life, but I will say that I am trying to persevere. The thing is, I know nobody wants their hearts, feelings, or time played with.

“..cuz I don’t want to be alone, I don’t need to be on my own.. but I love this man..”

“..oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me..” -Denise Williams “Silly”

-Signed, Timidly Hopeful

“..I know that I should be looking for more.. what could it be in you I see?.. what could it be?.. oh oh oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me.. ..silly of me to think that you could ever know the things I do are all done for you.. only for you.. ..foolish of me to tell them all that every night and day you call, when you could care less..”

Family Business

I want to forewarn you that there will be A LOT of pictures in this post (lol). The saying goes something to the effect of “you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.” In most cases that saying is usually stated in a negative light, because let’s be honest, family can be a real pain in your everything! I come from a really big family, just based off of siblings alone, but even beyond that I have certain relatives that I grew up with that are close too. The funny thing is that though we are all much older now and pretty much all going in different directions, when we get together, for whatever reason, that bond is still there as if it were a childhood pact to always be familiar with each other.

me & Walt

me & my sisters

bro, mom, me

me & my brother

The Beginning of “Insiders”. One thing I love about my childhood is that we never knew we were broke! We didn’t understand cheap, we made the best of everything because that’s just what we did as kids. We were tight and to this day we still are, despite many fights, flat out rumbles and free-for-alls (I think that’s the term). We’ve learned to love each other so much that in all honesty, my family can tend to be the ones I “hate” most because they have that much of my heart. I’ve realized that it takes some amount of caring to truly “hate” someone or for them to at least be able to get to you. I read somewhere online once that “love isn’t the opposite of hate, apathy is,” and I would say I agree. Joy and Pain. We’ve been through it, under it, around it, whatever, but it was together in some way, shape or form. Even if it got to points where you didn’t want to be bothered with family at all you can always come back because at the end of the day that is all I have in this world. My family is the only thing (aside from God) that has stood the test of time with me, not boy friends, home girls, church family, childhood friends and all, just them. Though we may not all like our families, I encourage you to “love your family for where they are not where you think they should be.”

I may be repeating myself, but these people and the many others whose pictures are missing mean a lot to me. My hope is that the next generation grew up even half as close as we did!

-Signed, I Wouldn’t Trade You For The World

R.I.P. Haady.. we are coming up on the anniversary since you've been gone and it's still like yesterday. I love you lil cuz

I meant every word "..if we could break down those walls to set you free.. we would cuz we down here and we miss you.." -Lupe Fiasco

“..if you said u ain’t did it, then you ain’t didn’t and if you did, well that;s family business..”