Archive for February, 2011

Move The Crowd

Acceptance. Whether you admit it or not, we all want it in some form or fashion. It is a logical pursuit as human beings to want to be a part of something, yet many look at it as a shameful desire. Yes, there are extremes that make wanting to be “in” quite unattractive, but that doesn’t destroy the original idea. There are certain “ins” that are fickle, shallow and not profitable yet are very appealing. An issue that does arise is when the attraction to acceptance is so great that you lose yourself.

“…fame is the worse drug known to man, it’s stronger than heroin, when you can look in the mirror like ‘there I am’ and still not see what you’ve become…” -Jay-Z

Lost Ones. We can make statements saying that we’d never do certain things and mean it until we are placed in a certain situation. It’s easy to criticize others for “selling out” when you have never gotten an offer. It can be as small as going up another pay grade in your profession to getting a glimpse of that Hollywood spotlight. All that it takes is a little bit and it can turn the most humble person into a proud fool. You change. Sometimes it’s so subtle, you don’t realize it until you don’t recognize yourself. You begin to distance yourself from those who have always been there. You prefer to cling to those who only recently noticed your existence and disregard the reality that they’ll hail then nail you no matter who you are (Lauryn Hill). That 15 minutes could feel more like 15 seconds and it is as if it vanished, but you still have to go back home. Trading your integrity for a false reality. Risking your relationships for affiliations. Spending money versus spending time. Exchanging your identity for an image. You’ve got to give the people what they want. But as long as “they” love you, I guess nothing else matters. I’m not trynna be rude, I’m just hatin’ on ya rules (Lupe Fiasco).

“…The people highest up got the lowest self-esteem, the prettiest people do the ugliest things, for the road to riches and diamond rings…” -Kanye West

“…They’ll tell you that you’re bright and that you got a future, but when you turn your back the same cats will try to shoot ya…” -DMX

Vanity|Fame. I know you think that you got it all. And by making other people feel small makes you think you’re unable to fall, but when you do, who you gonna call? (Lauryn Hill). It is a sad day to see people proudly sell themselves for cheap. Eventually realizing that the same crowd you once tried to move (influence), you are now lost in. It’s a pretty far fall from the top and most likely a lonely drop. Every man wanna act like he’s exempt, need to get down on his knees and repent (Lauryn Hill). I encourage everyone to count the cost of certain moves you make and determine if it’s worth it, whether it’s money, popularity, celebrity, “success”, a lover or whatever it may be. Never underestimate those who you scar, cuz karma karma karma come back to you hard (Lauryn Hill). Don’t lose yourself, your morals, your humility, your “realness” for the sake of something that will surely dwindle. It isn’t wrong to want to be a star, but also realize that stars burn out and even the stars we see in our sky a dying and merely a reflection of the past.

“I love the law, but sometimes it’s like that I love me more” -Lupe

“…Now how come ya talk turn cold? Gain the whole world for the price of ya soul…” -Lauryn Hill

-Signed, Your #1 Friend

I Want It All, BUT…

It is my hope that every person on earth has a dream (no MLK, but maybe). I would hope that people want something out of life, although the ways to go about obtaining these things may vary, but again, my hope is that you want something. I began to think about the choices I have made and am making and the things I am working for. I find myself to be so excited about my future, career-wise, that at times I lose sight of other things that I also very much want. Maybe you’re in the same boat, maybe you have it figured out or maybe this wouldn’t apply to you because you simply do not care, but you’re reading this so we’re getting somewhere.

For the Love of… Money? Love? Ray-J? I tend to try to keep my plans rather private because I don’t want a lot of opinions or discouragement (I do that to myself enough). It is as if when your dreams begin to become a reality that it can get a little scary (for me at least). It’s a good yet intimidating sort of scary. However, the desire to “make it” in whatever that may be overshadows everything else. I found myself wondering if it is possible to have both love and success (especially for a woman and doubly especially for a black woman). I look at people who have “made it” financially and career-wise (which is subjective) and think how many real friends do they honestly have. I wonder how lonely they are. I wonder if they hate who they have become or if they have changed at all. I wonder if they have “sold-out”, lied, cheated or schemed to get to this point. And most importnantly, I wonder if they are truly happy.

“…even though it seems I have everything, I don’t want to be a lonely fool…” -Sisqo

It makes me wonder if it will truly be worth it. Is it wise to go for the thing that makes you not want to sleep because you’re living the dream or should you take the chance to “wait for love” that isn’t guaranteed, yet beautiful. I see the indefinite aspect of love to be beautiful in itself. The possibility, the struggles, the perseverance, the knowing someone and everything else involved. Not only is that a big job, but it’s also not a guaranteed position for everyone. That scares me. It also makes me think about all that I have seen in my dealings with men or have watched in my father. With knowing what I know, will it ever happen for me? It seems impossible in the sense that I do not want to settle (not that I’m picky), but just acknowledging that we live in a very different time from the grandparents that met and married at like 16 and lasted 60 years.

“…she knows there’s more to life but she’s scared of ending up alone…” -Drake

I find myself to be very observant and curious (take that how you want), but that’s what added to this topic. I’ll see couples that are completely unsatisfied in both each other and their careers, but they feel stuck so they stay together. I don’t want that. At times I think, why would God give me this big heart, the great desire to serve and just be good to another person if it’ll never happen for me? Am I supposed to be just the world’s greatest hostess or is it a wife in training spirit in me? Am I supposed to be the queen of hospitality or a loving mother or both? I don’t know. It’s scary to not know. It’s tough to not have control over that one thing. It makes me think about the movie Bruce Almighty where “God” (Morgan Freeman) gives Bruce (Jim Carrey) his power, but the two stipulations are that he can’t tell anyone that he is God and he can’t make anyone love him. To take that a little further, I think about God and how he doesn’t force us to love him, but in a sense “hopes” for it. Now I am not out to have a religious debate, that was more so personal (well this entire blog is), but I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

“It gets lonely at the top.” -Kanye West

-Signed, Forever Alone?

“…someone who will put up with the things loving me can bring and still be there to see us through…” -Musiq