Archive for December, 2010

Pinocchio Story

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, love in my mind. I seen nights full of pain, days of the same. You keep the sunshine, save me the rain. I search, but never find, hurt but never cry. I work and forever try, but I’m cursed so never mind. And it’s worse but better times seem further and beyond. The top gets higher, the more that I climb. The spot gets smaller and I get bigger. Trynna get in where I fit in, no room for a nigga, but soon for a nigga it be on motherf*cka, ’cause all this bullsh*t, it made me strong motherf*cka (Lil Wayne). This year of 2010 has been a major turning point in my world. A lot of things occurred that changed my life forever, for better and better off (no worse). It took some time, but (despite my dislike for clichés) this happened for my good. Where I want to be needs the foundation my life has laid already. I needed to go through these things. I needed to lose want I lost to gain what I got. I realize when you have great aspirations then most likely the barriers to reaching your dream may be as big as your passions. This is not for the weak-minded. This is not for the easily influenced. This the life that everybody ask for (Kanye), but the cost is great.

…let’s trade shoes just to see what it’d be like to feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other’s mind just to see what we find, look at sh*t through each other’s eyes, but don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful, they can all get f*cked, just stay true to you… ” -Eminem

Bittersweet Symphony. Lately I’ve been hard to reach, I’ve been too long on my own. Everybody has a private world where they can be alone (Eminem). I have had some very low points this year that I mostly kept to myself. Sometimes life gets so convoluted and arduous that you wish you can hit the reset button, pause it, skip a board or possibly not play at all. I’m no inspirational/motivational speaker so you’re not gonna get the “you can do it and don’t give up” speech from me, because in all honestly, that may not be your story. Not everybody wins. Not everybody tries. Not everybody perseveres. The life you’re living is the life you chose after a certain point in your life. Our circumstances are typically out of our control, but we are not powerless despite how it seems sometimes.

“and promoters try to get me out to their clubs and expect me to have fun, but I can’t imagine how… …and everybody talk and everybody listen, but somehow the truth just always comes up missing…” -Drake

Lost Ones. This has been a year of great distance for me. I have come a long way and have taken much time to grow up. There has also been other sorts of distance that isn’t so pleasant. But time don’t back it goes forward, can’t run from the pain go towards it, some things can’t be explained, what caused it (Jay-Z). I’ve distanced myself from people I would have never dreamed of “losing” (especially both of my parents), but sometimes you have to do what you need to do. Outsiders always think they know something and it’s usually the furthest from the truth. I could care less about those opinions because very few people know me. I just couldn’t pretend everything was okay anymore. Read between the lines ‘what’s f*cked up’ and ‘everything’s alright (Green Day). I’m not the type of person that cannot take being wrong (anymore). At times you could be right in a room full of wrongs and begin to question yourself. That’s what I compare some of those losses to. However, it is what it is and won’t be what it was anymore. Moving along…

“…naw, you wouldn’t understand…” -Biggy

Chemical Romance. People say I’ve got my hands in too many things, keeping time with paupers just as well as kings (Teena Marie). I find this to be one of the greatest oxymoronic aspects of my life. I love ‘love’ yet want nothing to do with it. I’m trying to learn to separate what I want from what I see; what is realistic from what is not sensible. I look at my parents’ relationships, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, friends and distant strangers. I typically find myself wondering, did you get into a relationship because you’re sick of being alone or that’s truly the one you wanted? I don’t want to be one of those people that settle for someone that either looks good on paper or is merely around. I think I’m too much. I think too much. [I] live in a mindset that [you] could never move to (Drake). What I want is very simple. ‘Will I get it?’ is the puzzling question that I will leave alone until whenever it needs to be tried. Moving along…

Everyday Struggle. I am still in the transitional phase of finding where I fit in this world, looking for where I want to be and figuring out how I’ll get there. I’m okay with being lost sometimes now. I’ve accepted not having all of the answers, especially since I don’t have all of the questions. Not getting what I want and reminding myself that I’m not a kid anymore is a challenge that I very well need and combat with. I know how it feel to wake up f*cked up (Biggy). I’ve learned not to dwell on things/situations/people I cannot change and to build a bridge and get over it. Easier said than done is what many will say, but most of those people haven’t even tried. Y’all don’t know my struggle, you can’t match my hustle, you can’t catch my hustle, you can’t fathom my love dude (Kanye). I’m at the stage in my life where I’d say I am learning to eat my vegetables and seeing what’s good for me. Though I sometimes (most times) knowingly choose the wrong things, at least I know better. Sometimes (most times) I have to stand alone on some things, but the results are far more worth it. You always gon’ need somebody, but all you got is yourself (Jadakiss). Everyone will never understand you or me nor the decisions we make. Maybe they aren’t supposed to. Maybe some of your dreams ought to be a secret. Others’ input can be dangerous at times. This is my life homie, you decide yours (Kanye). I won’t say that I’ll live everyday as if it were my last, because that would be pure chaos, but I do encourage you to learn yourself and to live forward; we only get one shot at life.

“respect the game, that should be it, what you eat don’t make me sh*t” -Jay-Z

“…talkin’ bullsh*t as if it was for you to know and I don’t have the heart to give these b*tch niggaz the cue to go, so they stick around, kicking out feedback and I entertain it is if I need that…” -Drake

-Signed, Miss Solo Dolo


“…I tell the truth, but I keep runnin’…”

Worst I Ever Had

Sex is one of the greatest wins since creation, but not always. Some of us have had some “interesting” experiences that may be embarrassing, something you’d rather forget, bizarre or just down right wrong! I hate for bad sex to happen to anyone, but it does happen and most of the time no one informs their partner that they weren’t feelin’ it. I don’t know if there are too many feelings worse than having bad sex and being expected to actually speak to the person afterwards. I have a 3-strike policy (too generous, I know), but I know I’ve been in situations where I just wanted to leave and didn’t care if it was a safe hour to do so. It’s understandable to not want to come at somebody that way because it can be a vulnerable experience for some and you don’t want them to end up like the 40 year old virgin and never try again (lol). So I gathered some feedback from some of you (my faithful readers) to composite some sex no-no’s and oh no’s.

“Don’t bore me, just show me” -Beyonce

Don’t You Hate A Shy Chick? Everyone isn’t the aggressive type, I realize this, but at some point in your adult life a girl’s got to come out of that shell. I consider it to be looked at like a stage performance. Maybe you aren’t the type that is up for an audience, but sometimes in life you get put on the spot and you just have to go for it. Well, guess what? Sex is your stage and your partner is your audience. All that shy sh*t is teenage behavior and not sexy. If you don’t know how to do something or if you don’t know what to do, I suggest you get your study on, because guess what girl friend, you could look like Halle Berry but laying on your back like a corpse is NOT cutting it. If you don’t want to participate in the class then don’t come. If you don’t like head, treat it like vegetables and learn to love it. Take one for the team and go for it. Don’t keep quoting “look ma, no hands” when you’re giving dry, lazy head. You can keep all that to yourself. If you can’t take a d*ck then I honestly don’t know what to tell you. Ladies, don’t talk dirty if you don’t get down like that.

“All that talk but it seems like it can’t come through… All them lies like you could satisfy me, now I see where believing you got me… Gave you the wheel, but you can’t drive me” -Destiny’s Child

He Got A Big… “Ego”. I’ve always said that men are like crackheads when it comes to p*ssy. They will say and do almost anything in the heat of the moment to get it. There ain’t nothing like getting all gassed up and being left thinking I should’ve had another mechanic under my hood (Mariah Carey). Disappointment isn’t the word. Destiny’s Child said it best with “Two things I don’t like when I tryin’ to get my groove, is a parter that meets me only half way and just can’t prove.
Take me out so deep when you know you can’t swim.” Some people need to stay in their own lane and ladies, we need to stop telling these fail whales that they are tearing it up when you know you were thinking about a million and one other things that you could be doing while he’s doing you. The ironic thing is the level of arrogance that the most terrible guys have and you think to yourself “and you acting like it’s all of that… I’m not feelin’ it… let’s go lil kitty kat” (Beyonce). I understand that a man’s pride/ego is as fragile as our emotions, but sometimes it needs to be said. Otherwise, there leaves room for more opportunities for Mr. Baggy Magnum, Mr. It’s Not Even In But You Still Going, Mr. No Stroke Just Grind, and you just want it to be over (and chances are…. about 60 seconds later, it is). Then you get the “your p*ssy is too good” line *yawn*, the jury is still out on that one!

False Advertisement. At the end of the day, it is my hope that everyone have passionate and fulfilling sex, but those fails can really mess with a person’s head (more so women than men, because y’all will just go f*ck somebody else). As men, y’all have to hope you don’t get your balls skinned by bad head. And women, we have to become special agents to weed out the all men talk but don’t please (Beyonce) types.

“I don’t think you understand, how real it is for me to find a man who thinks he can… So give it to me right or don’t give it to me at all” -Melanie Fiona

-Signed, C’mere Rude Boy Boy

Bitches Runnin’ Wild

It’s been years since I learned about supply and demand, but I must say that “hoes” are at an all time high. It’s like pick your flavor and whoop there it is (lol, but seriously). You have arrogant hoes, busted hoes, corny hoes, drunk hoes, egotistical hoes, fat hoes and we could go on for days. Despite the benefits (to some), these females giving out unlimited samples of their va-jay-jay, the disadvantages are greater. Consider why you do what you do, what you’re doing to yourself, and if you’re a mother, consider how you’re impacting the next generation.

“Q: What’s the difference between a ho and a b*tch? A ho f*cks everybody, but a b*tch f*cks everybody but you!” -Fear of A Black Hat

Scandal! I’ve heard some wild stories about how scandalous people can be. I have witnessed families fight, friendships broken, relationships ruined, usually due to pillow talking. Lives can be loss over BS like that, but it is as if people don’t look at the long-term effects of a momentary jump off. Dudes will blast their closest homie’s personal business, people get set up to get robbed and/or murdered. People puttin’ hoes over their family out here. Not to mention the STD rates, because people are making foolishness spontaneous decisions. You never know homie about these hoes homie… you need to pump ya breaks and drive slow! (Kanye). To make matters worse, there are some of y’all that’s out here wifin’ these skeezers. How foul is she and you wifed her? (Jay-Z)

“…Never trust a big butt and a smile…” -Bel Biv Devoe

Some of these chicks are so vicious that they aren’t even after your money, they just want to get at you to make your girl mad. They do these things to cause scenes and to get attention and many of y’all entertain it. The sadder part of that is when the real women begin to doubt themselves and feel like, ‘it’s foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women‘ (Beyonce). There are plenty of guys that lose good women cuz you chasin’ funky hookers (Three Times Dope).

I’ve said all of this to say that though some of us are merely onlookers of this f*ckery, everyone has a personal responsibility for who they allow themselves to be around and/or become. There are no victims in the life you choose. Ladies, you don’t have to try to be something you’re not in order to attract attention you actually don’t need. Fellas, you don’t accidentally trip, slip and fall in no p*ssy, so act accordingly and get a ho detector (if you so choose). It is beyond real out here and a lot of these children are products and witnesses of others living recklessly.

-Signed, She Was A Ho Fo Shooo


“Keep your ho on a leash”


“booty all out lookin’ trashy”