Archive for August, 2010

So They Cheated On You…

Everybody hates being lied to, yet everybody lies. The funny thing is we tend to do most of the lying to ourselves and for some, it only seems to worsen with age. Sometimes children seem harsh with their (unknown to themselves) honesty when they point out things in life. For example, when you’re embarrassed that your child yells out that a stranger has on a bad wig and you likely immediately apologize on their behalf. It’s a “White Chicks” (the movie) moment, they said it but you were thinking it. So here you are in your next relationship and they have all cheated and what do you do? The emphasis is usually placed on the cheater, but let’s look at the other side this time. Do you act as if you don’t know? Stay? Snap? Get Revenge? Try to work it out? Get bitter? What do you do?

“What if I broke our monogamous agreement? What if I told you I lied, but didn’t mean it? What if my one mistake had the potential to break up our happy home, would you want to know?” -Lyfe Jennings

Everyone wants to get that “oh how could someone do that to you” response when talking about their ex and how they cheated. That’s all well and good, but what was your part in it? In no way do I condone cheating at all, but also in no way can I prevent it. You could be doing everything “right” and still get cheated on. The question is why? The answers vary. People look at celebs and wonder how could so-and-so cheat on her when she’s so beautiful? First off, that could have nothing to do with it, second you don’t know them, and third mind your own and tend to your own business or lack thereof.The next question is one that you should have considered when you went into this relationship and that is “am I willing to try to make this work to the best of my ability?” In no way am I giving out a “get out of being caught cheating free card” but as an adult you have to learn to go through some tough things to make something that you deem as worthy to work.

“If your heart isn’t in it, oh can’t you tell me so?” -Atlantic Starr

People belittle their worth when desperation sets in and wonder later on how they wound up hating what they had started. If you notice the same patterns in all of your relationships maybe it’s time to look in the mirror truly naked and take off your excuses. Grow up. I do not baby adults so either you choose to get your sh*t together or go home to your mama. I’m not saying this to be harsh, but you cannot expect people to hold your hand forever or always arrive first to your pity party. Take charge of your life and accept responsibility for your choices. Relationships have the ability to endure as much as the parties involved are willing to let it. I can empathize with the hurt of being cheating on, but I will never sulk over it. Live Forward.

“…I know she was attractive, but I was here first…” -Beyonce

-Signed, Choose Wisely

…What if I had a thing on the side? Made ya cry? Would the rules change up or would they still apply?… -Ciara

…but you’re just a boy and you understand… -Beyonce

Body Chemistry

Close your eyes for a moment and think about what you want then think about what you get. Close your eyes again and reflect on what you do and what you do not do. Though this could be applicable in other ways, apply these thoughts to your sex life. First, what’s right with it? What’s wrong with it? The answer to both questions are technically ‘you’ for the most part. Though sex is a topic I tend to shy away from, not because I’m uncomfortable discussing it, that is nowhere near the case, I just feel it’s not everybody’s business and I have every right to withhold what I will. However, I decided to venture into a topic that consumes a vast majority of my thoughts. I’m sure I don’t stand alone. Sex is no secret and we all didn’t arrive into this world by osmosis, so here we are and here we go!

“Shawty rainin’ wet up in my ear talkin’ ’bout ‘I got what you came for, this here got your name on it'” -Usher

“If I was your woman, the things I’d do to you, but I’m not so I can’t and I won’t… if I was your girl” -Janet Jackson

WANTS: Eyes Want VS Mind wants VS Heart wants VS Body wants. I’ve realized there are several levels to attraction and attractiveness. I also noticed that sometimes, (often times) these attractions do not always agree and despite wants, it is what it is. You’ve heard people say “the heart wants what it wants” well when it comes to sexual attraction I see the same. You can have someone aesthetically pleasing to your eyes, but not feel their personality and all other sorts of combinations. Sometimes you could be physically attracted to someone, but your body isn’t “feelin’ them” the way you think it should. You could be into one person, but your body dries up like a sponge out of water or the opposite. Though it’s frustrating, if that interest is truly there, it can be worked with.

“Giving you the rest of my love, but what if I tell you too much… …can you handle it if I go there baby with you?” -Usher

“I wanna put my fingers thru your hair/Wrap me up in your legs and love you till your eyes roll back/I’m tryin to put you to bed/Then Imma rock your body, turn you over, love is war/I’m your soldier/Touching you like it’s our first time” -J. Holiday

Casual Sex Pros & Woes. We live in a generation where casual sex is common. Though I’m not a fan of it for some reasons that I’ll allude to, I also see that sometimes in certain situations, it is what it is. However, when you put yourself in these predicaments you have to consider your wants. If all you want is a nut, then that isn’t a difficult desire to fulfill, but if you seek great fulfilling sex, there are some things that need to be there and body chemistry is one of them. Just like dancing, it can mess up the flow of things if you’re going one way and your partner is going another. Learning each other’s bodies, rhythms, wants, interests and so on are vital. If you’re wild and passionate, then one round won’t do it and to deal with someone that’s “one and done” then knocked out asleep can be frustrating. In my experience, if I’m not feeling the situation, it’s almost as if I’ve forgotten all I know and just want to get it over with (unfortunately), but I’m in the process of stopping that foolishness. Ladies, I know you can understand where I’m coming from when you don’t want to bruise a man’s ego, so sometimes you say or possibly do things you don’t really mean. This is my weakness when it comes to lying, especially since I hate lying even about the most seemingly minute things. It happens to the best of us right? Eh… anyways!

“Don’t you be afraid to let me elevate you/welcome you to super duper Jupiter love” -Trey Songs

I can only speak for myself, but it’s nothing worse than being down for whatever when you do choose someone to deal with and find out they’re a prude or it’s wack. The disadvantage is that you don’t know until you know, and especially with women, some of us try to keep that body count number low. Guys run game on what they can and will do and then a song interlude later you find him asleep and you’re like WTF?! Some guys think that because they’re “blessed” size-wise that they can’t have bad sex. Wrong! We can just call that a painful mess (lol). As for females, they can think that because they have a nice body and they’re vagina is tight that they are in the clear, you can still be wack. Laying around like you’re in a coma with the phony moans and groans are a waste of both parties’ time.

“Can’t nobody do it like us/can’t nobody mix, chop, and screw it like us/all over the living room hittin’ it like us/in the middle of the night wake up the building like us” -R.Kelly

Taking Center Stage. With great, fun, passionate sex, confidence is key, even if you don’t know what you’re doing, you just need to learn to fake it til you make it. No, I don’t mean fake orgasms or tell somebody they’re the best you ever had. But sometimes you just have to take a chance and go for it. It’s like acting, you may have stage fright or nerves, but it is something about hitting that stage that can make a person come to life in such a way that would convince an “audience” that they’re a pro. It’s all a matter of your will and if you’re willing to go there then I’m sure there will be encores. There’s an art to sex and oral sex and any true artist is always seeking to perfect their craft.

“I try to be lady-like, but I got you here tonight/but something happens when we slow dance” -Keri Hilson

“A kiss on my lips, a hand in my hair, a body to keep me warm while I’m sittin’ in his chair/Her voice is sayin’ no I don’t want you to go/I don’t want you to leave/a chest to lay my head/your leg between my legs, a whisper in your ear sayin’ ooh baby right there” -Letoya Luckett

A person who can work their tongue in such a way that you have to occasionally stop them because you think you can’t take it is a speechless experience. Being on the same page with a person to the point that you can’t get enough, remarkable! You might accidentally break things, lose buttons, pop bra straps, get rug burns, biting, scratching, hair pulling, dehydration, and maybe even notice some slight bruises later on, but hey, if you’re into that kinda thing then it’s a small price to pay. Not everyone experiences great sex and even if you’re the thrill-seeker type, you won’t experience that with every partner you have. Not everyone is willing to be creative or take risks. Even if it’s a casual thing, I find it to be beneficial to know if you’re on the same page. Some people are walking mannequins and you feel scammed to find out it wasn’t hittin’ for what you had hoped, but it happens to the best of us.

“They might think my name is ‘oh shit’ I make her cuss” -Trey Songz

“The greatest you/the greatest me/we have found the greatest chemistry” -R. Kelly

As a sexual being, it’s your responsibility to learn and know what you need, want, like and don’t like. You have to speak up for yourself and communicate that to your partner. I say don’t be afraid to role play, dress up, be a little more than unconventional despite your mood, location or schedule. Being open-minded (I believe) is beneficial to all involved, but that’s just my standpoint! 😉

“In the thundering rain you stare into my eyes/I can feel your hand moving up my thighs/skirt around my waist, wall against my face/I can feel your lips/I don’t wanna stop just because people walkin’ by watchin us/I don’t give a damn what they think/I want you now” -Janet Jackson

“You screamin’ out ‘have me’, I’m whispering ‘gladly’, I wanna make you feel me baby like you never had me/You done felt good, Imma make you feel better/You done been wet, Imma make you get wetter” -Sammie

-Signed, Can U Handle It?

“give it to me deeper… givin’ me a fever”

“just watch how your body shakes, don’t stop it just let it shake, I’ll control your body tonight”