Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, one of the most important questions in my world was: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Once upon a time, to start a story this way brought excitement, a good type of anxiety. Where is this going? Where is this coming from? I’m glad you wondered! We all have those moments when we stop and think “when did it all change and life get so complicated?” I was babysitting my 6 year old sister a few days ago and watching her partially inspired this topic, but not only her, but children and their mentality in general.

Fantasy Land? My sister and I were walking down the street and there was snow out (we had somewhat of a blizzard recently). She was singing and hopping around in the snow, in her own little world. I thought to myself how some parents would have probably told her to cut it out before she falls or gets dirty or something, but when I watch her I tend to let her wonder and wander. I understand that she is a child and that is just what they do, even if it’s annoying to me, I won’t rob her of those moments (at least I try not to).

As all these thoughts flowed through my mind, I almost instantly began to compare our worlds. She doesn’t have a worry or care in the world because she trusts those around her to protect, provide, and help her if she needed. She knows her limits will be given to her if need be, so her plans aren’t much until those limits are close.  It made me think, “when did it all change?” For example,  if she fell, she probably wouldn’t care, but would just get up and brush herself off. She hasn’t properly met embarrassment yet. Whereas an adult would wonder who saw that. I realize children tend to be fearless, because they don’t understand the world yet and how it works.

“Dreams used to be shared with any who would listen, now they are kept close by or else they might be murdered by the dream killers, also known as the hopeless” -TV

I remember when I thought my part of the city was all there was to the world. I remember being maybe 3 or 4 years old thinking that 52nd Street (in West Philadelphia) was the most crowded and busiest place ever! Everything and everyone seemed so big and fascinating! I remember having heroes, whether it was on television (Power Rangers, Lamp Chop, or my favorite WWF wrestlers) or the adults “the big people” in my life. It seemed like they knew it all, as if they had all the answers to everything I didn’t understand. And I’m sure I annoyed them the same way my sister tends to annoy me with questions. I understand she doesn’t properly understand sarcasm yet so I let her slide.. a lot!

There were days when I didn’t look over my shoulder because I didn’t know I needed to. Everything and everyone was some kind of pure and had good in them according to my logic. Forgiveness was instant. Friendship was forever. Later took forever. Poverty promoted creativity not awareness.  Okay meant now. Mother May I was a game. Water plugs weren’t for fires, but to play in. It was literally “all good”. The good old days I would say. Though those good old days lasted up to about 5 years old… that is when the world got real!

In short, I learned how to keep secrets, how to lie, what rejection felt like, pain, manipulation and a host of other things that I had no idea what to do with. There was all of this new information, all of these new pieces I had no idea as to how to put it together. Naturally confusion became a big part of my world of discovery. Things weren’t as simple anymore and no one told me why. I keep this in mind when I think to myself that a child is asking me a “stupid question” and dismiss my thoughts and try to break down the world to them in a way that they could understand. I reminisce about key points in my life where things got too real for TV (Takesha Victoria that is lol) and I didn’t understand. These things were a little more than an earthquake for me. It made me question who I was and now who I am and why.

“Tired of injustice. Tired of the schemes. The lies are disgusting. So what does it mean? Kicking me down. I got to get up. As jacked as it sounds. The whole system sucks.. -Michael Jackson “Scream”

“Look at me.. you may think you see who I really am, but you’ll never know me.. every day, is as if I play a part.. now I see If I wear a mask I can fool the world, but I can not fool my heart..” -Christina Aguilera “Reflection”

Reality Bites? So here I am wrestling with “who I am“in a lost world. Though I do maintain some fairly solid foundations, there is much building to do. I’m getting the better parts of my child-likeness back. I am regaining my desire to explore, forgive now, being a friend forever (even if it isn’t reciprocal), attempting to grasp fearlessness again even after all I have been through. I refuse to place blame in my past, but learn from what I know and have known.

Circumstances are constantly changing and in many cases they tend to be unfortunate, so I make the best of unpleasant situations and move on. I realize my travels will be great and their isn’t much need for baggage outside of my luggage. I’m determined to make “once upon a time” something to look forward to again instead of it being said with a sigh of loss of what once was. I know that in order for this to happen, I have to constantly stay true to myself regardless of what is going on around me and the pressures of this world.

“..you’re sellin’ out souls, but I care about mine.. ..with such confusion, don’t it make you wanna scream? your bash abusin’ victimize within the scheme..you try to cope with every lie they scrutinize..somebody please have mercy ’cause I just can’t take it, stop pressurin’ me..” -Janet Jackson “Scream”

-Signed, and she lived happily ever after

“..back when ‘I don’t know, maybe‘ was an acceptable answer..”

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  1. I can’t remember the last time my whole thought process was based off being innocent. I may be going off topic but I feel like I was lied to by everything growing up. Now a days these kids are exposed to the real world.. I wonder if it will make or break them?… I just wish I had a fair warning.

      • takeshavictoria
      • December 27th, 2009

      I don’t think that’s off topic. I definitely understand what you mean. That’s what I meant by the “up til 5yrs old” comment. I realize I didn’t get a fair shot at having a childhood and that sucks, however, I refuse to be bitter about it anymore. I just know that I am definitely more aware of how I would raise my own children and pray they never have to face and/or endure any of the things I experienced, and even if for some unfortunate reason they do, at least I can be there for them.

    • the haitian
    • December 28th, 2009

    i was thinkin bout this today as i sat in church watchin a little girl, all dolled up for sunday service, playing under the pews, having little conversations with herself like little girls tend to do at tea parties and such, tryna get the attention of the other little girls across the aisle… i dunno i watched her, admired her innocence, almost envied her naivete….she has no idea about what the world around is all about… she kept getting scolded for goin under the pews, i was getting kinda annoyed, like she’s 2 let her play…

    anyways, i liked the note, this topic has been on my mind recently too, funny u should write about it…

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