I Don’t Want To Wait

So I have been thinking about some of my short-term goals and just learning to make the best of unfortunate circumstances, because that is all they are.. circumstances, and they are constantly changing. I’ve noticed many people discussing the coming new year and the “changes” they intend to make and the things they plan to leave in ’09. That’s all well and good if that is what you want to do, but I don’t want to wait until then.. I never do. I have never been the type of person that likes to let anything dwell in my life that doesn’t need to be there.

I am constantly reminded in some way of my potential and the vision given to me, regardless of what others think or who also believes in it with me. I have never been like a lot of people, I realize that. Once upon a time I thought of being “weird” or “different” in the negative light, but I realize that all of those that I compared myself to had nothing I wanted. A little saying I occasionally think to myself is: “I am aware of trends, I don’t follow them” meaning I won’t be ignorant to what’s around me, but that doesn’t mean I have to be apart of it either.

I am embracing the fact that God made me extraordinary, I am finally truly loving that. It’s humbling in the sense that I sometimes wonder “why give me so much or why notice me?” I still don’t know why, but I am grateful. It also made me mindful of my worth. I have spent many years undervaluing myself in different ways and have struggled back and forth with that. With all of that being said, there have been 4 areas that really impacted me this year that I’ll touch on:

  1. My walk
  2. My relationships or relationshits (let’s be honest)
  3. My goals
  4. My finances

My Walk. I say “my” to re-enforce the fact that they are mine, not yours or anyone elses. Part of me wants to say it has been rocky, but in all honesty, in all that I have dealt with this year, I truly can understand the statement “sometimes you don’t realize that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.” I realized that even those with the best intentions will disappoint in some way whether it is intentional or not. I realized that even if the whole world turned it’s back on me, God will still be the only one to love me unconditionally. I am no longer afraid to say “I don’t know” or terrified of making mistakes or questioning my faith. I am learning to be real with myself and to take responsibility for my world. For example, nobody can “make” me mad, it’s a choice to respond that way, whether it’s legitimate or not. I also learned that my destiny isn’t in other people’s hands. I have had many assumptions made about me by people who don’t even know me, but run with something they heard and you know what.. I don’t care. I have finally learned to love me and even if I am the only one, that’s fine. I have a greater purpose.

My Relationships. TD Jakes once said, “I’ve got the gift of goodbye. If people walk away from you, let them. Your destiny is never tied to people who left.” Though I am not very familiar with him or his teachings, I liked what he said. I used to be pressed about who was in my life. I wanted everyone to stay forever! I now see that some people are only meant to be around for a season and that’s okay. I have learned to be more mindful in how I invest my time, trust, and energy into people as well. Anyone that was on a pedestal is gone. I put nothing passed anyone, because people are people. It’s okay to be hurt by the ending of a friendship or whatever the nature of the relationship, but it is not the end of the world. I am grateful for the faithful few. 😉

My goals. I’m excited and terrified of my future all at the same time. I am a “planner” and I like to know a play by play as to what is goin on, and I don’t have that. It’s scary, but it’s okay. It challenges me to try to do better today for what is to come tomorrow. I am going through a lot of changes and the adjustments aren’t easy. However, most great things are never easy so I understand the challenges that come my way. I am also coming out of my shell and going harder on the writing tip, which I also know is going to play a major role down the line and even right now. We shall see…

My finances. I want to say that I hate money, but that isn’t true. I’ve seen what just a lil bit of something can do to people and it’s so ugly. I personally don’t really care for it, but realize I need it to get certain things done. I have been between jobs these past few months which mainly started with my car troubles, to the point I just let the car go, it wasn’t worth the headache. However I do have a pretty solid opportunity starting in January, so I’m a little excited/nervous about that. I actually don’t like working. I come from a family of hustlers in the more immediate sense, I don’t like working for anybody, but it’ll do for now.

So anywho.. I won’t wait until 2010 to continue to do what I have been doing, which is progressing. I won’t make any unrealistic plans of change that I probably don’t want to make (yet). I realize I am not an overnight project, so I won’t rush a good thing.

-Signed, pieces out of a puzzle

  1. It’s good to see that you have a positive outlook on life. I have recently came to some personal realizations myself and it’s been quite a ride for me also. It’s a brave thing to try not to worry about what other people think/feel but it’s also very necessary if you’re going to progress. I wish you the best of luck in your ventures!

      • takeshavictoria
      • December 9th, 2009

      Thanks for the feedback Shannerz.. and yeah, i do value people’s opinions, but only to a certain extent.. and yeah.. it’s rough out here lol. Be encouraged lady.

    • the haitian
    • December 9th, 2009

    yeah so i read the title and immediately thought of the song lol. i don’t really have anything to say, besides pointing out some typos here and there. I just want you to know that your attitude throughout this year has been pretty awesome compared to the crap that you’ve been through, I gotta give it to you cuz I know I woulda been a whole different tip. anyway, thanks for being positive as often as you are. you need that. heck, i need it too, shoot. lol.

    ::sings loudly:: keep yo head up

      • the haitian
      • December 9th, 2009

      * on a whole different tip lol.

        • takeshavictoria
        • December 9th, 2009

        LOL!! oh my island gal

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