Archive for May, 2009

FRIENDS: How Many of Us Have Them?

I have always been one to prefer to keep my circle small. The more people that know too much of your business, the greater the drama it seems. Besides, I would rather know 2 or 3 people really well than have 10 that I am sort of familiar with. The toughest part of any of my relationships with people seems to be disappointment, maybe because it’s inevitable and constant. But the type of disappointment that bugs me more so lately is inconsistency.

Maybe I am one of those people that wears their heart on their sleeve in the sense that I don’t put on masks or fronts. I don’t–better yet can’t put on a front like everything is cool when it isn’t. I don’t pretend to miss people I don’t miss. I won’t be jo with people I dislike (I don’t treat them like crap either). I just don’t like when I am approached as if I owe someone something when they have been missing in action in my world for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I do have those friends where even if it’s been years apart we can still pick up where we left off, but in those cases there is usually a strong foundation that keeps that going.

It’s frustrating to watch the revolving door of my life at times, but I prefer to allow that door to turn on its own. I refuse to ever try to hold on to people that don’t want to be kept anymore. Why pursue what doesn’t want to be pursued? Why bother what prefers to be unbothered. Why chase what has moved on?

It is easier said than done though because I realize I am very relational. Even if I dislike someone, they are still a person therefore I still care. I just gotta learn to put people in their lil “box” or section/category so I don’t over react or even under react… I’m learning though… Any thoughts?

-Signed… maybe there is good in good-bye

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This Needs To Be Said…

Okay, so I have intentionally made my best efforts to stay away from ignorant/childish “men”. But today, it wasn’t that simple. In the midst of a good time, there is always that one that shows up and messes it up for everybody. It could be a chill convo goin’ and he persistently tries to holla and “change your world”. Question for the guys… why can’t no just stay at no? Who says weed has to be involved in order to mess up a rotation, smh (lol-not funny).

-Signed, …no, I actually don’t need you to take care of me, thanks!

HOOD Diaries: Entry 101

Its the best I could find for now... I need a hood stamp

It's the best I could find for now... I need a "hood" stamp

So originally this post was gonna be about something ghetto I did today (which it still will), but from the moment I did my lil thing… a plethora (yes-plethora) of events took place lol. Okay, so lil miss me did something rather hood, but first… (in the voice of Day Day on Friday After Next) Can I tell my story?! (lol)…
Okay-so I haven’t had a weave in about a year and about two weeks ago I decided to get one… it got to the point that my head was itching because I needed to wash it sooooo when I left my school and hopped on 95, I decided I couldn’t take it any more… Sooo I pulled it all out while I was driving (lol-not funny). Weird thing is, my hair looked kinda okay after that lol.
NEXT!– I hate riding through little Puerto Rico. This kid had his hoodie on as if he was a race horse, considering it was down so low he couldn’t see from the left or right, therefore he couldn’t see me almost run him over because he didn’t peep the green light on my end.
NEXT!– I go to the hair store and shawty got both of her cheeks pierced. Not just regular earrings… noooo, big ‘ol fake diamond studs. On top of that she is taking a vote from customers about getting  a horse shoe lip ring…
NEXT! – I get home (finally) and realized I forgot my keys… Called around for those that had keys to my apartment and found one. As I was waiting these two drunks were down the street fighting in slow motion… One chick took the others shoes and chased her… and there goes the neighborHOOD!

Where I Wanna Be

As I was thinking of this title, this song came to my mind… On the contrary, the answer to my own question of where do I wanna be was… the beach lol. I need to go to a few this summer. Just relax.

But since the song is here… why not mention love. It’s pretty relevant to where I am on the relationship tip these days. The reality is… I don’t wantneed one… not right now. I wanna do too much and don’t need the worry (of any kind) of SOS (someone special). I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes and I’ve also learned a lot about the effort and work that goes into this thing called love. I give a lot. I am certainly in no condition or position to give like that right now, especially because it seems as though every time I work even harder, therefore the fall is even greater. I don’t want that. I consider my past experiences like mini divorces if they lasted a nice length…

like:

  •  who gets the “friends” instead of kids…
  • should I still talk to your family and vice versa…
  • how long should I wait before I bring someone else to places we’ve been
  • should I call or text on ya b-day (or should I still have your number?)
  • anniversary
  • what will I feel like if I run into you after a long time
  • how do I know the next one will be different (if I want a next rela)… and many other factors

I have really learned to count the cost in this thing and it is not a price I am willing to pay right now. I just wanna have fun and friends. Experience the world and travel. Learn new things and figure out who I am and wanna be… I think D.C. (Destiny’s Child not Dane Cooklol) said it best… ain’t no feeling like be free (when your mind’s made up and your heart is in the right place)…

-Signed, …I’m sorry if ya dig me (especially if I dig you too… lol-not funny)

Part of My Issue

Okay… I realize that there are several other contributing factors as to why I more than likely am not getting this work done (i.e.- the genius over consumption of caffeine, exhaustion, stress, frustration, and so on). Hoooowever, [in the voice of Franklin from My Wife and Kids] (lol-not funny) there is another factor that I “guess” I have control over… procrastination. It’s difficult though and I believe it has always been this way for me. I typically do my best work under pressure and that’s for just about everything [unfortunately].

So what do I do now?

I have joined the club...

I have joined the club...

...bought the t-shirt...

...bought the t-shirt...

...and wrote endless lists!

...and wrote endless lists!

 

Yet and still here I am… staring at two different monitors, books, notes and other things that won’t get done until I do it. I can’t say I have no motivation because I do. I don’t understand this and I don’t have a lot of time to waste because I need to finish all of this work by Friday! Oy!

Signed, … I’ll get right to it… (riiiight)

Souljah Boy Tell’em!!

smh @ myself (smh = shake my head, for those who have always silently wondered)… so this song has been stuck in my head all day [Kiss Me Through the Phone], therefore I decided to listen to it (all day) lol. The hook is just too cute. As for Souljah Boy, I am not a fan at all and I am not going to get into why because major bash-idge would be happening… so I give him props for this one.

btw (by the way), I didn’t realize it until I looked up the video to link it to this blog that I had never seen Souljah Boy until like 3 minutes ago lol. Sammie grew up to be a cutie from the “I Like It” days lol. Sammie’s cd was the first cd I ever bought on my own, haha. Anyways, cute song… Back to the hustle & bustle of surviving beyond Friday… Be encouraged!

-Signed, 6, 7 ,8, Triple 9, 8, 2, 1, 2

Stupid 309

Death Route 309 lol (not funny)

Death Route 309 lol (not funny)

Soooo… I just finished a 14hr shift which is enough in itself… but then I had to get on the infamous 309, which I lovehate dearly, especially when it’s just one lane and I feel like I’m in an action movie.

Maybe I am a lil claustrophobic, so what, but I don’t even think I was breathing until I got through that part. Stupid tunnel without a top of a expressway (or whatever it is!). Not to mention it is worse at night…

But that was my random rant since that is my new commute for half of my week now… all I can say is… Lord cover me…

 

 

As for today… I didn’t learn my lesson with the Red Bull… not only did I not learn, I drank an Amp

180mg of caffine (I'm not built for all that)

180mg of caffine (I'm not built for all that)

today that was two serving sizes (I am nuts!)… It got me sick though, so I will say again that I learned my lesson lol. Day 3 without sleep… c’mon finals! back to homework…