AllegedLIES: I Don’t Care

I would first like to clarify the series title…

Allegedly + pluralizing allegedly + the word lies = AllegedLIES.

Maybe it’s the counselor in me that wants to break down barriers. Maybe it’s the child in me that is curious about the truth and the world. Maybe it’s the writer in me that wants to make sure all bases are covered in a simple manner. I don’t know. I observe a lot and I would feel selfish to keep my findings to myself……. (in other words, I have a big mouth! Shhh, don’t tell nobody). I won’t say I don’t ever lie, but I will say that the things I do lie about are really juvenile or feelings sparers (that’s a word now). I wanted to address some things that seem a certain way, but are not so. The stranger part of it is that everybody knows, even the participants, but still play a role in the AllegedLIES.

The first of these is the facade of nothing mattering. In my opinion, I think we make these harsh statements at times as defense mechanisms for pain. You don’t want to seem weak and you don’t want people to think they hurt you (or got to you) in any way. My personal reasons would be to say that most people don’t deserve to know they hurt you. Maybe it’s foolish or maybe it isn’t. We get engrossed in image and lose ourselves. Never let them see you sweat (I guess). I’m not saying to wear your life on your sleeve, but having a healthy balance isn’t a crime.

I wonder at times if it is all really worth it. Is it worth spending your one life trying to make it look like you have it together? Is it worth struggling to make it look like you have it all? Is it worth not eating so that you can show off a body that isn’t in your genetics? Is it worth building all of this great wealth and have no one to leave it to or at least someone deserving because you cannot take it with you? Is it worth realizing you regret your life? These are not new questions. They have been asked under the sun for ages. It is interesting to read or see another human being pour out their heart and soul and despite what you think of their actions, most people envy their courage.

To cover up all of our insecurities, uncertainties, and wonderings isn’t to our own benefit. We turn off a part of being human. We hide things and hold secrets that eat at us. We technically do not keep it real if everything is always “presentable”. My hope is that everyone at least have a couple of people in their lives that they can have real conversations with and sort through the messes of life. Life is too short to live it alone and artificially.

-Signed, I don’t care


It’s All Fun & Games Until…

Consequences? Who worries about those? Correction, who worries about consequences when in the heat of the moment? Not everybody! There are many things in life that we choose to take chances and still be completely aware of what may be due us. This is understandable, but there are certain things that we ought  to not play Russian roulette with. The saying  goes ‘when you play with fire you will get burned’, well…….. (sometimes).

It’s all fun and games until……

You Get That Call. I realize that there are moments when things can get out of hand and in the heat of the moment stupid decisions don’t seem like such a bad idea. You’re in the moment and everything is perfect, but neither of you have a condom. You make the dumbest excuses ever. You think, “so-and-so looks clean” or “just this one time and then never again” or other idiotic home remedies to avoid possible trouble you’ve heard of. The worse part is that there are some of you that don’t care at all. There are others of you that fall in love every other week and since that’s your alleged “boo” you don’t feel the need to protect yourself. You put yourself in situations where you pray for your period. You put yourself in situations where you dread the call from the jump off conveniently 4 weeks after you hit. You say you’re grown and can do what you want. This is true. Let me be the 1st, 2nd or 50th to remind you of that when you need help with that kid you didn’t plan on having for that marvelous 3 and a half minutes way back when. The risks are your choice, but as I previously stated…

It’s all fun and games until……

You Get That Itch. There are people walking around with smiles on their faces and disease in their bodies. I don’t care how much you bathe, how great the sex/head is nor how good you smell, it will not erase an STD. I know of people that are fully aware that they have HIV and still do not care who they take down with them. When did it become uncool to go to the doctors? When did it become okay to be stupid when it comes to your health? It’s not so cute to brag about how many bad b*tches you f*ck when your d*ck is hanging on for dear life. All that “him” talk comes to a screeching halt when your vag starts doing cart wheels.

In most cases, no, in all cases it is not worth it! Don’t play with your life for a momentary “pleasure” that you may have to live with for the rest of your life. To many of you, I am speaking in vain, but I guess for others it will take having your 4th kid or your 5th abortion. Maybe it will take seeing yourself disintegrate  in the mirror because you got hit with something you cannot shake or had a curable STD for so long that you now have permanent damage. The moral of this story is that NO, you can’t put the head in and NO you can’t wait until you get a chick to get on all fours to sneak that condom off and NO it’s not cool to poke holes in condoms. Many of us need to inquire a little further before we select who we lay with. You need to get stuck up about your health and read up on health related issues in regards to sex and everything else. Be aware of the risks with oral sex, kissing, and other things that can be transmitted. Take care of yourselves! You don’t wanna have to blame it on the alcohol for the rest of your life.

-Signed, Wrap It Up!

“…and all that he can say is ‘baby, it’s good to me’…”

It’s Your World

Where is the mystery? What happened to the good ol’ days? I remember when people actually spent time with the people they were around versus merely being in the same room, but in totally different worlds. Everything moves so quickly that we have time for nothing. I am becoming overwhelmed with all of this multitasking. Certain things can be convenient (like online shopping), but sometimes I wonder if it takes the experience out of being out in the world for something as simple as the search for something special when shopping. When it comes to dealing with more pressing parts of life, I’m a little worried.

Hit Me Up. I find it quite interesting how we can go above and beyond to avoid human contact. We drive to places we can walk to and even if we’re in a car with people we cut the music up. We do everything else with our ipods on aka “don’t bother me” shields. We go on social networks all day until the point that we are anti-social to our surroundings. We text or bbm so they won’t call. We tweet or facebook to “keep in touch”. We skype so we won’t have to meet up. And at a last absolute resort we might see another human being, but we won’t be completely there. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like what this has done to me!

TMI via Social Networks. Some of you may remember the days where you saw people and had the opportunity to catch up or you could ask someone how another was doing. Nowadays it’s unnecessary because you can just check their status and pictures and come to your own conclusions. You’re “caught up” and the person has no idea you ever even inquired. The other side is knowing too much about people who you know seemingly well or just casually. This usually isn’t a good look, but in reading people’s thoughts online you see a side that might have never been spoken around you. People you deal with might suddenly turn you off for varying reasons whether you are putting two and two together figuring out who else they are sexing, if they are overly (fraudulently) cocky, if they seem to be interested in someone else and so on.

It’s like social networks have taken the mystery out of having a crush or liking somebody, because as soon as you think “I wonder what so and so is doing” you can just pull up their profile and find out. The salty feeling could come in when you wonder if they are feeling you like you’re feeling them and then you see a status saying something like “can’t wait to see my boo later” and know that the two of you have no plans. Another part of that is when you see people you deal with talking to one another on social networks whether they actually know one another or not and you’re kinda stuck on some Drake sh*t like “I just seen my ex girl standing with my next girl standing with the girl that I’m f*cking right now”. Some things are better left unknown lol.

Wait A Minute! I was thinking about my lack of patience when it comes to just about everything in my world. It mainly started because I put something in the microwave for like 3 minutes and seriously went and found like 4 other things to do until my food was hot. God forbid it not be ready and I would have had a mini mental tantrum. What is this foolishness?! I was watching this interview from Conan O’Brien’s show recently that made this point more eloquently. Although the guy was hilarious (video below), I felt pathetic. He said, “everything is amazing and nobody’s happy”. This is very true. If my internet freezes for a second I have already cursed it. If I have to restart my cell phone I almost panic. This is crazy! Instead of realizing how awesome the technology we have today is (especially in comparison to maybe 150 years ago), I have become an ungrateful adult brat. I am in the midst of checking myself.

Lately I have found myself falling slowly but surely away from social networks for just about all of these reasons (in addition to the drama that has become too constant). I don’t want to completely detach myself because I have actually made some very great connects for networking opportunities, but I find myself at a point of finding a balance to this. I don’t want to live my life with everyone around me looking at the top of my head because I’m texting, tweeting, on facebook, email and so on. People are at the point where they go certain places just so they can post the pictures to show that they were there. How many times have you tripped, burned food, missed something or ran into something because you were so into your cell phone? How many times have you felt like your world was dimmed because your phone died or you forgot your phone? I want to see my people. I want to spend time. I hate talking on the phone so I am going to have to balance all of this out. I don’t want to miss out on life because I have been reading about it.

“It’s very strange when the life you never had flashes before your eyes” -Carrie (Sex & the City)

-Signed, Hey Stranger

@ ‘ME’ Tho

Culture and everything that surrounds it is constantly changing. Trends come and go. Fashion lasts a moment. Slang is tough to keep up with. Sometimes you have to stop to catch your breath because if you miss a week of some sort of social interaction you are likely a little lost. And with all of this going on, one cannot ignore the influence of the social network, primarily twitter!

The #Dilemna. As far back as AOL days, the internet has given people a type of power that their own world’s may not have allowed. What power is that? I’m glad you asked! That power is the option to be whoever you want, however you want, whenever you want and to go a step further, wherever you want. You get to choose “you” as if you were playing The Sims. For the ones that actually know who you are it is frustrating for lack of a better word and for those who don’t know you and can still see through that online disguise it’s pretty pathetic.

“…no one man should have all that power…” -Kanye West

Price tag|Hash tag. #EverybodyKnows that according to twitter it seems like nobody is struggling. Everybody’s rich and coppin’ this and that. #ButIGotMoreBurberryShirtsThanYouTho. Everybody got their own crib, own car, and eats out at pricey locations serving #FlamingYoung & #Stake&Eggs, but in real life you live with mom, got a squader and eat #RaymondNoodles. Life is so poppin’ that every moment must be twit pic’d. The level of arrogance and false confidence is through the roof. The funnier factor is when you actually run into some of these people in real life and it’s a completely different scene. #DontLikeTheLookOfIt. People acquire fake fans and put other frauding strangers on #PedalStools. People have established teams, imaginary haters/stalkers and fake family members on this site. #ThatsWhenANiggaLostMe. Relationships get complicated publicly from friends to lovers. Jealousy arises then lines are crossed, names get called and dirty laundry is aired. I mean whatever you choose to do is your business, but sometimes I wonder if some of you people are being serious with yourselves?! #Salad

“It was all good just a tweet ago”

#TheThirst. This occurs on both sides. I understand as human beings that it is natural to desire attention from others in some way. Even if you don’t say it, you want people to care at some level, because if you didn’t why use twitter of all social networks where people read your thoughts on things? The issue comes in at the lake where the desperate tweets and twitpics come in, yet get offended when you get hit with a #LonelyTweet or the belief that #YouAHo. People go #L.A.M.B. over showing some skin whether it’s classy or trashy. Personally, I leave it at the screen, because these aren’t my people so it’s entertainment. Long story short, #NiggasWontChill!

The World Is A Stage. #Fact, twitter talk has become so influential (at least in my city) that people began to talk in hash tag, get “twitter gear”, meet to f*ck or fight. We have relevant discussions, we rant, we refer each other to useful products, sex techniques, pull people’s CarFax, send prayers/encouragement, and get fake busy. In my opinion, it’s fun most of the time, but in dealing with people it is only right that it get annoying at times, but that’s probably as far as it should go, however, it gets real, #allegedly. People think they know you, think they know your life and plenty of other things. Subtweets get thrown and words probably unintended are taken personal and all that other mess. Despite this, I encourage you all not to lose who you are for a social site and definitely don’t lose those who are really in your life over it.

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He’ll Be Fine

For some of us, the chase is more intriguing than the actual capture. For others of us, the world ought to be all about the capture. This is only the mere beginning of the confusion that leads to the heightened problem of trying to make one person the former or the latter. It isn’t my job to say who is right or wrong, but I will point out the obvious differences that some people (usually females) love to disregard. You always hear the “he was so great in the beginning” stories, which may very well be true, but if you knew the game you would understand.

“I thought you were the answer to the question in my mind, but I was wrong” -Mary J. Blige

Boys Will Be Boys. A part of me hates that saying, but it is what it is. Most males are only as committed as the moment or their options. A big issue is the delussional amounts of females that think they have magic vagina that will keep a man chasing her. Am I saying that all men cheat? No. What I am saying is that the men that do cheat do not all cheat for the same reasons. You can’t say I don’t love you just because I cheat on you. You don’t see all I do to keep you from knowing the things I do (John Legend). The truth is tough to hear and even harder to swallow (pause), but that doesn’t make it any less than what it is. In many cases, lack of a father, a compromising mother, a lifetime of chick flicks, countless love song albums and chances are you have before you a pretty unstable young woman. A young woman who knows that all she truly wants is to be happy and will do whatever she must to get it, even if she has to ignore the obvious. The signs are almost always already there that this is not something you should get yourself into, but you hope in your heart for your fairytale miracle…

“Boy, I need you to meet me half way if you want me to be with you” -Keyshia Cole (but did he ask?)

Chasing Pavements. There is a grand difference between being wrongfully led on and making entire situations up in your mind. For example, responsibilities of a boyfriend being placed on a man that isn’t yours is creating your own problem. The other side of that is having unrealistic expectations for your partner. These things are irrational and you need to check yourself. Leading people on is shady and at some point in your life you need to learn to detect this, if not then maybe you need to get opinions from those who can because nobody wants to hear about the 25 year old that somehow keeps getting screwed over. Yeah right, but you’re in love like every other week too? If you wanted to be treated like an adult you also need to grow up and deal with adult situations. While all the time that I was loving you, you were busy loving yourself. I would stop breathing if you told me to, but now you’re busy loving someone else (Mary J. Blige). That is a dangerous mindset. I understand your feelings. I feel them. That doesn’t justify your actions. If you were so meant to be, he’d call. He would never ignore you, disrespect you, get at your friends and whatever other trifling drama that occurs. Many just don’t want to accept reality, but that does not mean that reality does not exist. You can’t expect someone that is irresponsible in every other area in their life to do right by you.

“Don’t wanna lose ya. Don’t even own ya. I just wanna stay right here until never dawns, yeah.” -Corinne Bailey Rae

Why Are You Mad At “HER”? I’m riding home in pain again baby, and that don’t mean sh*t to you. You’re currently engaged in an intimate conversation with a young groupie or two. See players only love you when they’re playing games, still I gave my heart to you (Mariah Carey). The arch enemy! The other woman! For centuries this is the beef. It’s comedic. It’s sad. It’s a mess. When it comes to your alleged man messing around, that ought to be an issue with you two instead of you calling, harassing, arguing with, fighting, threatening, stalking the other female. I know it’s easier to trigger the energy to the other party whether or not the person knew about you, but the problem is your significant other (and maybe even you). Leave that woman alone and handle your business. People will only do to you what you allow them to get away with.

“And I try to front like ‘oh well’ each time you’ve let me down.” -Mariah Carey

Don’t get me wrong. I understand every feeling, however, to continually put yourself in those situations are pure insanity and people like that get no sympathy from me. In most cases, more females want to replace everything they never had in life with the love of a “man” and that just isn’t the way things work. It’s tough, because you hope almost every one you meet is the one because you want the search to be over. A big part of the issue is that you don’t do a self-assessment first. Get your own life together before you invite someone else into your messy house. My hope is that all of you put more effort into the damage control (that is yourself) than into someone that could most likely care less. You realize these guys don’t alter anything about their everyday and you change your number, clothes, hair, voice, eating habits, hobbies and affiliations. This is a sad reality. Let “him” go. Don’t be afraid to live better for yourself, because he’ll be fine with or without you.

-Signed, Yesterday I Fell In Love……..

“We said ‘let go’, but I kept on hanging on… inside I know it’s over, you’re really gone… it’s killing me cuz there ain’t nothing that I can do… baby, I stay in love with you… …how we gon act like what we had is nothing at all?”

“and I remember what you used to say…. we ride, we ride until the day that we die”

Move The Crowd

Acceptance. Whether you admit it or not, we all want it in some form or fashion. It is a logical pursuit as human beings to want to be a part of something, yet many look at it as a shameful desire. Yes, there are extremes that make wanting to be “in” quite unattractive, but that doesn’t destroy the original idea. There are certain “ins” that are fickle, shallow and not profitable yet are very appealing. An issue that does arise is when the attraction to acceptance is so great that you lose yourself.

“…fame is the worse drug known to man, it’s stronger than heroin, when you can look in the mirror like ‘there I am’ and still not see what you’ve become…” -Jay-Z

Lost Ones. We can make statements saying that we’d never do certain things and mean it until we are placed in a certain situation. It’s easy to criticize others for “selling out” when you have never gotten an offer. It can be as small as going up another pay grade in your profession to getting a glimpse of that Hollywood spotlight. All that it takes is a little bit and it can turn the most humble person into a proud fool. You change. Sometimes it’s so subtle, you don’t realize it until you don’t recognize yourself. You begin to distance yourself from those who have always been there. You prefer to cling to those who only recently noticed your existence and disregard the reality that they’ll hail then nail you no matter who you are (Lauryn Hill). That 15 minutes could feel more like 15 seconds and it is as if it vanished, but you still have to go back home. Trading your integrity for a false reality. Risking your relationships for affiliations. Spending money versus spending time. Exchanging your identity for an image. You’ve got to give the people what they want. But as long as “they” love you, I guess nothing else matters. I’m not trynna be rude, I’m just hatin’ on ya rules (Lupe Fiasco).

“…The people highest up got the lowest self-esteem, the prettiest people do the ugliest things, for the road to riches and diamond rings…” -Kanye West

“…They’ll tell you that you’re bright and that you got a future, but when you turn your back the same cats will try to shoot ya…” -DMX

Vanity|Fame. I know you think that you got it all. And by making other people feel small makes you think you’re unable to fall, but when you do, who you gonna call? (Lauryn Hill). It is a sad day to see people proudly sell themselves for cheap. Eventually realizing that the same crowd you once tried to move (influence), you are now lost in. It’s a pretty far fall from the top and most likely a lonely drop. Every man wanna act like he’s exempt, need to get down on his knees and repent (Lauryn Hill). I encourage everyone to count the cost of certain moves you make and determine if it’s worth it, whether it’s money, popularity, celebrity, “success”, a lover or whatever it may be. Never underestimate those who you scar, cuz karma karma karma come back to you hard (Lauryn Hill). Don’t lose yourself, your morals, your humility, your “realness” for the sake of something that will surely dwindle. It isn’t wrong to want to be a star, but also realize that stars burn out and even the stars we see in our sky a dying and merely a reflection of the past.

“I love the law, but sometimes it’s like that I love me more” -Lupe

“…Now how come ya talk turn cold? Gain the whole world for the price of ya soul…” -Lauryn Hill

-Signed, Your #1 Friend

I Want It All, BUT…

It is my hope that every person on earth has a dream (no MLK, but maybe). I would hope that people want something out of life, although the ways to go about obtaining these things may vary, but again, my hope is that you want something. I began to think about the choices I have made and am making and the things I am working for. I find myself to be so excited about my future, career-wise, that at times I lose sight of other things that I also very much want. Maybe you’re in the same boat, maybe you have it figured out or maybe this wouldn’t apply to you because you simply do not care, but you’re reading this so we’re getting somewhere.

For the Love of… Money? Love? Ray-J? I tend to try to keep my plans rather private because I don’t want a lot of opinions or discouragement (I do that to myself enough). It is as if when your dreams begin to become a reality that it can get a little scary (for me at least). It’s a good yet intimidating sort of scary. However, the desire to “make it” in whatever that may be overshadows everything else. I found myself wondering if it is possible to have both love and success (especially for a woman and doubly especially for a black woman). I look at people who have “made it” financially and career-wise (which is subjective) and think how many real friends do they honestly have. I wonder how lonely they are. I wonder if they hate who they have become or if they have changed at all. I wonder if they have “sold-out”, lied, cheated or schemed to get to this point. And most importnantly, I wonder if they are truly happy.

“…even though it seems I have everything, I don’t want to be a lonely fool…” -Sisqo

It makes me wonder if it will truly be worth it. Is it wise to go for the thing that makes you not want to sleep because you’re living the dream or should you take the chance to “wait for love” that isn’t guaranteed, yet beautiful. I see the indefinite aspect of love to be beautiful in itself. The possibility, the struggles, the perseverance, the knowing someone and everything else involved. Not only is that a big job, but it’s also not a guaranteed position for everyone. That scares me. It also makes me think about all that I have seen in my dealings with men or have watched in my father. With knowing what I know, will it ever happen for me? It seems impossible in the sense that I do not want to settle (not that I’m picky), but just acknowledging that we live in a very different time from the grandparents that met and married at like 16 and lasted 60 years.

“…she knows there’s more to life but she’s scared of ending up alone…” -Drake

I find myself to be very observant and curious (take that how you want), but that’s what added to this topic. I’ll see couples that are completely unsatisfied in both each other and their careers, but they feel stuck so they stay together. I don’t want that. At times I think, why would God give me this big heart, the great desire to serve and just be good to another person if it’ll never happen for me? Am I supposed to be just the world’s greatest hostess or is it a wife in training spirit in me? Am I supposed to be the queen of hospitality or a loving mother or both? I don’t know. It’s scary to not know. It’s tough to not have control over that one thing. It makes me think about the movie Bruce Almighty where “God” (Morgan Freeman) gives Bruce (Jim Carrey) his power, but the two stipulations are that he can’t tell anyone that he is God and he can’t make anyone love him. To take that a little further, I think about God and how he doesn’t force us to love him, but in a sense “hopes” for it. Now I am not out to have a religious debate, that was more so personal (well this entire blog is), but I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

“It gets lonely at the top.” -Kanye West

-Signed, Forever Alone?

“…someone who will put up with the things loving me can bring and still be there to see us through…” -Musiq